


Black

by Ryu_No_Joou



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Attempted Murder, Domestic Violence, M/M, Murder, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-14 22:38:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 35,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2205606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryu_No_Joou/pseuds/Ryu_No_Joou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus Lupin is a shy, innocent London schoolboy. Sirius Black is a intimidating, mysterious young man with a startling background and attitude to spare. When the two cross paths, it becomes a matter of fate... and obsession.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Kindness of Strangers

**Title:** Black  
 **Author:** Ryu-No-Joou  
 **Disclaimer:** I don’t, or never will, own the Harry Potter characters.  
 **Warnings:** SB/RL SLASH; AU; no magic, no werewolf-ness; language.  
 **Summary:** Remus Lupin is a shy, innocent London schoolboy. Sirius Black is a intimidating, mysterious young man with a startling background and attitude to spare. When the two cross paths, it becomes a matter of fate... and obsession.  
 **Archive:** FanFiction.Net, Archive Of Our Own

**IMPORTANT NOTE:** If you were reading Harry Potter fics on FanFiction.Net around 2004 or so, you may have already seen this. Please rest assured that I have not stolen it! I originally posted this on ff.net, where my user name is Dragon Mistress. I’ve meant to do some editing and change my author name there, but cannot log in due to a combination of unhelpful staff, forgotten passwords, and an email account that no longer exists. A few minor edits have been made to conform with updates from the books, Pottermore, and JK Rowling’s information, mostly Sirius’ and Remus’ parents’ names and a few dates or descriptions. Sirius’ family is correct, but Remus has brothers and a sister I invented about eleven years ago and liked too much to get rid of. I’ve also removed the annoying author’s notes, which are ridiculously out of date, anyway.

 

 

 

~Black~

Chapter 1 - The Kindness of Strangers

 

Remus J. Lupin couldn’t have been having a worse day.

It had started out with porridge for breakfast - not the best of meals, and as far as Remus could recall, every bad day of his life had started out with porridge for breakfast. He ate it without complaint, however, and hurried off to school after kissing his mother goodbye.

Naturally, as early as he had left home (Remus was a very punctual lad), there was almost no one at school and the doors weren’t even open yet. The only students who were present were the biggest, meanest upperclassmen, who came early to play football or smoke cigarettes. Remus really couldn’t see how blokes who smoked that much could even run; but he kept quiet and tried not to attract attention as he stood under a tree to wait for school to open. But, as always, it was no use; more than a few of the upperclassmen noticed him standing alone, and sent their usual shouts and slurs his way - “Looking tired, Lupin - hard night last night?” “Hey, there’s a couple poufs down Kent way that need a little lad like you!” - until Remus had to look at his feet in an effort to hide how red his face was, and had to struggle to hold back tears. 

Remus was a small, slender sixteen-year-old with light brown hair, hazel eyes, and pale, creamy skin. He always dressed neatly and meticulously, his maroon blazer buttoned, his navy trousers pressed, his navy-and-ivory striped tie perfectly knotted and his shoes polished to a high gloss. He wore glasses for reading and gave off an air of fragility and femininity - which was why the bullies picked on him. He was no good at anything physical, except for running, and hated physical education. But in the classroom, Remus was in his element - he was an excellent student, attentive and diligent, always being praised by the teachers. This didn’t bother the other students too much, but some of the other boys were intent on punishing Remus for it during break. Remus felt he could have probably set a world record for Most Times Getting Sent Home To Change, or Most Ties Lost, or something of that manner. 

But since today was a very bad day, Remus ended up leaving school during lunch to change his entire uniform - the old one so muddied and torn it was nearly unrecognizable. His mother wailed when he entered the house. 

“Another uniform ruined! Don’t you care about the money your father and I have to sacrifice to keep you in uniforms? Those clothes don’t come cheap - and your sister needs clothes, too -”

And so on and so on, until Remus ended up being ten minutes late back to school because of his mother’s lecture, and receiving a blow across the knuckles with a ruler for it.

It just seemed like one bad thing after another. And it got worse. As soon as Remus emerged from the front door of the school that afternoon after the end of lessons, a few of the upperclassmen approached him. Remus eyed them warily, preparing to run; they were some of the worst bullies in the school. 

“What are you backing away for, Lupin?” the biggest of the lot, a brute named Williams, inquired. “I just wanted to ask you if you’re free tonight - you’re just so cute, I can’t say no to a shag.” 

That was it. Remus sprinted away, gazelle-like, without responding. He heard Williams and his cronies drop their bags and take off after him.

It turned into a furious chase through the crowded London streets. Remus dodged people, jumped over fire plugs and fallen dustbins, narrowly avoiding lampposts and postboxes. The five boys chasing him were not as fast or agile as he was; it wasn’t long before he had lost them. But in the process, Remus had wandered into a part of the neighborhood that was unfamiliar to him - the streets were dirty, the buildings that rose around him shabby and in desperate need of new windows. The few people he passed kept their heads down and hurried along their business as if they didn’t see him. Remus swallowed nervously, adjusting the shoulder straps of his bag and looking up at the slowly darkening sky. Then, quite suddenly, he collided with something solid.

“Ouch! Watch where in the hell you’re going!” an angry voice spat. 

Remus realized he had walked headlong into a young man about his age or a little older, who was now glaring at him. He was quite intimidating-looking : he had glossy black hair that came to just past his shoulders, snow-white skin, and steel-grey eyes that looked positively lethal. He was dressed entirely in black, accented with silver jewelry. His eyes were lined with kohl, and his lips painted the darkest shade of red Remus had ever seen. As Remus gaped at him, he raised a pale hand, encrusted with rings, to his lips and took a drag on a cigarette. His fingernails were painted black.

“I - I’m sorry,” Remus stammered, taking a few steps backward. “I - wasn’t l-looking where I was g-going...”

“Bloody obvious,” the stranger muttered. He turned and started to walk away. Remus bit his lip, looked back up at the fading sky, then hurried after him.

“Hey - wait up!”

The stranger turned, a very nasty look on his face. “What?”

“Um - I don’t need to be rude, but - I’m lost, and -”

“Not my problem. You were the one stupid enough to wander down here.” the stranger brushed his long hair away from his face and took another drag on the cigarette. 

“Please, could you help me?” Remus begged. “I’ve got to get home - my mother must be starting to worry.”

“I don’t know who the bloody hell you think I am, but I’m not a bobby!” The stranger growled and rubbed his forehead. “Fine, fine - I’ll help you, but I’d better not see you again after this!”

“Thank you,” Remus said, enormously relieved. “Thank you so -”

“Can the shite. Let’s go.” The stranger dropped his cigarette and ground it out under the toe of his boot. Remus hurried to follow him. He had very long legs and took great strides that were hard to keep up with, especially with a heavy bag on one’s back. He led Remus through alleyways and down streets that Remus couldn’t even remember passing down; it made one dizzy to think about it. But after thirty minutes or so, they emerged from behind a warehouse, directly across from Baker’s Sweet Shoppe - a blessedly familiar sight.

“I know where I am now,” Remus spoke up to the stranger’s back. “I’ll be all right now... thank you for helping me. I wish I could repay you....”

The stranger turned and looked down at him. “Could - Could I give you some money?” Remus asked timidly, looking up into the stranger’s unfathomable, stormy eyes. 

“Nope. I’ve got a better idea.”

Before Remus could even ask, the stranger caught Remus’ chin roughly between his thumb and forefinger and kissed him. It was a sloppy, wet kiss, the other man’s tongue slipping between Remus’ lips. Remus could taste the tobacco on the stranger’s breath, mingled with the slightly waxy taste of his lipstick. Stunned, Remus couldn’t even think of pulling away. He was completely frozen, and anyway, the young man had one arm around his waist, pulling Remus against him, a stray hand resting momentarily on Remus’ behind. The mingled smell of cigarettes and cologne coming from his hair and clothes was nearly intoxicating. Remus couldn’t help himself. He moaned softly into the stranger’s mouth, pressing his body firmly against the other man’s, kissing back hard.

The stranger finally pulled away and lit another cigarette. “Thanks for the reward,” he said with a slight smirk, winking at Remus before heading back the way they had come.

Remus stood stock-still, staring down the dark alleyway the stranger had disappeared down. Slowly, as if in a dream, his fingers wandered up to touch lips that felt almost numb. He had been _kissed_ \- by a total stranger, a man! Eyes wide, he sunk slowly to the ground, utterly bewildered. And what was more, it had been immensely exciting and arousing. What had that been all about?

As Remus struggled to his feet and hurried home on legs that felt curiously weak, he couldn’t help but regret not getting the young man’s name... and he couldn’t help dwelling on that kiss.


	2. Second Meeting

**Disclaimer:** For the disclaimer, warnings, etc., please see the first chapter.

~Black~

Chapter 2 - Second Meeting

Saturday mornings were the best, Remus reflected. His mother, father, and sister had gone off to visit Remus’ eldest brother, Guillaume, who lived in Wiltshire - leaving Remus free to lounge around the house in his pajamas, eating cold cereal and watching the telly. A nice, relaxing change from the usual hectic, nerve-wracking days of school. And a nice change from the older students.

After watching several hours of cartoons, Remus was ready to get up and stretch his legs. He put his bowl in the sink and went into his room to get dressed. He pulled on a plain white t-shirt and a pair of jeans, then rummaged around in his blazer pockets for his wallet and keys. It was a nice day; a walk to the library would be lovely.

As he walked, his mind turned to the night before. Getting lost.... the strange young man... the kiss they had shared. _Why_ was it almost impossible to stop replaying that kiss in his mind? What had been so good about it? Why had the stranger turned him on like that? Normally, Remus avoided anyone who made a move towards him - he was very shy, and the girls somehow scared him even more than the boys. But that young man had been different... very different.... there was just something about him. He was just.. so mysterious. 

“Blimey, I feel like a character in one of Mum’s cheesy romance novels,” he muttered to himself as he trudged up the steps of the library. 

Plagued by memories of a dashing stranger.... a kiss so fabulous Remus couldn’t get it out of his head.... and the nagging desire to see that man again.... it was an awful lot like a romance novel, almost sickeningly so. ‘Besides’, Remus mused as he browsed through the historical section, _‘He said he never wanted to see me again. And it was like... he gave off an aura. It felt like he hated everyone. Not just me... it was like he hated the entire human race.’_

After choosing the books he wanted, Remus checked out and headed for the park - it was far too nice a day to read indoors. (Watching the telly was an entirely different story.) He settled himself on an empty bench under an apple tree and opened one of his books, but he didn’t start reading right away. Instead, he gazed around at the other people in the park - couples holding hands; elderly women knitting, feeding pigeons, and chatting amongst themselves; young people walking dogs. 

He nearly jumped out of his skin when a hand fell onto his shoulder. He looked up to see Williams smirking unpleasantly down at him. Three or four of his friends, probably the same ones from yesterday, were grouped behind him.

“Fancy seeing you here, Lupin,” Williams sneered. “Catching up on your reading, are you? Or are you keeping an eye out for a new boyfriend?” He bent over so their noses were barely an inch apart. “That’s it, isn’t it? Looking for some fun tonight? I’ll bet you can get some real weirdos on Saturday nights. The fruits, the glam crowd, right?”

“Leave me alone,” Remus said, twisting out of Williams’ grasp and scooping up his library books, hugging them to his chest. He took a few steps back, but Williams grabbed him roughly by the wrist.

“You know that’s positively revolting, right? Blokes sleeping together?” There was a menacing light in Williams’ eyes. “Sodomites burn in hell, Lupin.”

“Get away from me!” Remus tried to pull out of the other boy’s grip. 

“You’re not listening, are you, you little bitch? I think you need some manners beaten into you.” Williams’ fist struck Remus squarely in the jaw, making him cry out in pain. He pulled away but stumbled and fell, his legs getting entangled in each other and his books spilling all over.

Williams was on top of him in an instant, gripping both of Remus’ thin wrists in one large, ham-like hand. “But maybe you’d like it right here. You’d love it, wouldn’t you, you sick pervert? Right out in the open, where everyone can see?” He was panting almost directly in Remus’ ear now. Remus cried out again as Williams’ hand crept between his legs, groping roughly and painfully.

“Stop it, please -!”

“That’s enough of that, lads,” drawled a voice to their left.

Remus looked at the speaker, his mouth suddenly going dry. It was the strange young man, once again dressed entirely in black clothes and wearing makeup. A cigarette jutted from the corner of his mouth. In the daylight, he somehow looked more threatening than he had at night; there was also an androgynous boy/girl look about him that Remus hadn’t noticed before.

“Who the hell d’you think you are?” Williams hissed.

“Nobody particularly important. But you’d better let that kid up, before I decide to use you as an ashtray.” He took the cigarette from his mouth and raised an eyebrow.

“I’m not afraid of you.” Williams glared.

The stranger sighed, smushed his cigarette, and stepped forward. Then it all happened so fast Remus couldn’t be sure what had been done - one moment, he was pinned under Williams, the next, Williams was having his arm bent back by the stranger. Tears of pain were starting to spring into the upperclassman’s eyes; he struggled, but couldn’t move an inch. His burly friends looked both scared and bewildered.

The stranger pushed Williams away. “Get out of here.”

“C’mon,” Williams muttered sullenly to his cronies, rubbing his arm. He strode off, the others trundling in his wake, still looking baffled.

Embarrassed and slightly ashamed at being unable to fight back, Remus kept his head down as he gathered his scattered books and brushed grass from his clothes. But manners and habit were stronger than any feelings at the moment, so he finally looked up to thank the stranger, who had plopped down on the bench after lighting a fresh cigarette. “Erm - thanks. A-again, I mean.”

The stranger snorted. “You sure can get yourself into messes, kid.” 

Remus sat back down on the bench, eyeing the young man nervously. “It’s... They’re always after me. I don’t know why.”

“You daft?” the stranger chuckled. “Kid, you’re way too naive. Haven’t you realized he just wants to screw you?”

That came as something of a shock. “W- what?”

“You are daft,” the stranger said in mild amazement. “You’re very pretty, you know. Isn’t a person alive who could resist you, I’ll bet. And rich snobs like him are all the same way. Doesn’t matter if it’s a girl or a boy - they’ll take what they can get.” The amazement and slight amusement in his voice had been replaced by contempt. He stopped talking and took a long drag on his cigarette.

Remus summoned up his courage. “Erm - if... if you don’t mind me asking - what’s your name?” He quailed as the stranger glanced at him, the expression in his pale kohl-lined eyes totally unreadable. “I mean - you’ve come to my rescue twice already... I ... just...”

“Sirius. Sirius Black,” the young man replied, looking away and tapping ash from the end of his cigarette. 

“I’m Remus Lupin,” Remus said shyly. He thought of offering his hand, but figured Sirius wouldn’t bother to shake it. 

“French?”

“Pardon me?”

“Your name. You’re French, aren’t you, kid?”

“Um - well - yes - but I was born here. My mother and father moved to London after my second-eldest brother, Henri, was born.” He hesitated. “And - would you mind - would you mind not calling me ‘kid’? You can’t be that much older than me...”

Sirius laughed. “I’m sixteen years old, kid. How old are you? Thirteen? Fourteen?”

Remus bristled. “I’m sixteen!”

“Come on. You’re taking the mickey, aren’t you?”

“No, I’m not! I’m really sixteen. My birthday is March tenth.”

“Talk about jailbait,” Sirius said mildly, grinding out his cigarette and immediately lighting another one. “You sure as hell don’t look sixteen.”

Remus blushed and looked down at his feet. “I’m telling the truth. Why would I lie?”

“Why does anyone lie?” Sirius muttered, brushing his hair out of his eyes. 

An odd question; Remus assumed it was rhetorical, but he couldn’t help thinking about it. They sat in silence for a few moments, Remus struggling to think of something to say; finally, he blurted : “Why did you kiss me last night?”

He expected Sirius to deny it, or not answer, but the young man considered. “I don’t know. It just seemed like I deserved a reward for helping you, and a kiss was better than forcing you down and shagging you in the middle of the street, especially since we had just met and didn’t even know each other’s names.”

Remus blushed again and looked away, slightly embarrassed. Sirius had a blunt way of putting things that made him squirm.

“Do you want me to do it again?” Sirius asked.

“What?!” Remus looked at him with wide eyes. “What did you say?”

“I asked if you wanted me to kiss you again,” Sirius said with a shrug. “You’re bright red. I figured you really liked it. I mean, you didn’t hit me or yell at me.”

“I - er - I -” The truth was, Sirius was right. Remus did want to kiss him again. But he couldn’t bear to admit it. “I - I don’t care. I don’t want you to kiss me.”

“Liar,” Sirius said, amused. He leaned forward and kissed Remus firmly, an arm sliding around Remus’ waist and making escape impossible. Remus whimpered and tried to pull away, but Sirius held him tightly. Remus stopped struggling. Who was he kidding? He liked kissing Sirius, didn’t want to stop. He closed his eyes and kissed back, putting his arms around Sirius’ neck. A fleeting thought of what would happen to him if anyone from school happened to see crossed his mind, but he pushed it away. He let Sirius slip his tongue between his lips, let himself be pushed back onto the bench, Sirius on top of him. 

They ended the kiss, gasping for air; Sirius smirked down at Remus from behind stray strands of hair. “Don’t want me to kiss you, my arse.”

“I - “

“Shut up.” Sirius got off of Remus and stood, tossing his hair back. His lipstick was smudged, giving him a slutty, exciting look. “You’d better be glad we’re in the park, or I might just want to go all the way.” He winked. “Cheerio, luv.”

Remus sat up, panting slightly as he watched Sirius stride away. He was dimly aware that his heart was pounding and he felt weak and shaky; he realized he was sweating. How was this possible? How could a complete stranger excite him enough to do things like this in public? ‘Go all the way’? Remus swallowed hard as he ran a shaking hand through his hair. As frightening as that thought was, it was also... strangely appealing. Sex with another man? Not just any other man, but Sirius? 

The thought made him shiver. It was the very thing he was frightened about; the very thing that, according to Sirius, the bullies at school were after. Remus bit his lip. He really was a very innocent boy, and he only had the vaguest idea of what another man could do to him, and never cared to find out what it was like. But... Sirius... the thought made his stomach cramp in a not unpleasant way. 

He stood on shaky legs, gathering up his books and starting to head for home. He kept one eye out for anyone from school who might see him - mussed hair, his t-shirt half untucked, and probably with some of Sirius’ lipstick smudged on his face - but most of his mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Sirius, and what his parents would say if they knew what was going on. 

He went straight up to his bedroom when he got home. He dumped his library books on his desk and flopped back onto his bed, suddenly feeling older and more tired than he ever had in his life. He put an arm over his eyes and dozed off, moaning softly, sweat beading his forehead as vague dreams of a raven-haired young man wearing lipstick, nail polish, and not much else played in his head.

Finally he rolled over in his sleep, unconsciously tucking his knees up to his chest as he moved into his favorite sleeping position, falling silent. But Sirius remained with him, cavorting through his dreams, nude and blackly exciting. 

And not far away, the real Sirius lay awake in his bed, a cigarette in one hand and a glass of liquor in the other, staring up at the ceiling and completely unable to banish thoughts of a certain brunette from his mind. 

It was the beginning of an obsession, for both of them.


	3. Unrequited Love

**Disclaimer:** For the disclaimer, warnings, etc., please see the first chapter.

~Black~

Chapter 3 - Unrequited Love

Monday almost certainly was going to be an awful day. Remus just knew it. Williams and his cronies were going to make him pay for Sirius’ actions on Saturday morning. So to be on the safe side, Remus spent all Sunday in the house, reading the newspaper and later helping his mother to organize the clutter and mess in the attic. A small price to pay, when one considered the possibility of leaving the house and running into Williams. Nope. Just not an option. Remus helped with the chores without complaint, dreading the next morning.

When he awoke, Remus was so worried sick that he seriously considered feigning illness to postpone the inevitable; but finally, with a sigh of resignation, got out of bed and began to dress. Hiding would only make it worse when it finally happened; and besides, Mrs. Lupin always had had a sixth sense for when one of her children were pretending to be ill in order to skive off school for a day.

But for some odd reason, not one of the bullies approached Remus that day. None of them even insulted him from across the classroom or the schoolyard, leaving the lad distinctly puzzled. He had been steeling himself for the beating of his life all day; their silence and avoidance, while greatly appreciated, was also quite curious. He was still musing over it during lunch when two girls from his class, Lily and Grace, seated themselves across from him, looking excited.

“Remus, is it true?” Lily asked eagerly. 

“Yes, is it true?” Grace echoed.

Remus raised a questioning eyebrow. “Is what true?” 

The two girls leaned in even closer, Grace’s golden curls and Lily’s straight red locks forming a curtain around the trio. “There’s a rumor going ‘round that you know a guy who can beat up Augustus Williams,” Lily said. “And that he did beat up Williams on Saturday afternoon.”

Remus blushed. Had the person who had started the rumors seen Sirius kiss him as well? “Er - who told you that?”

“Nigel Hastings, but he heard it from Juliet Phipps, and I don’t know who she heard it from,” Grace said.

“Is it true?” both girls repeated, in unison.

“Well -” Remus hesitated. “I wouldn’t exactly say that. The real truth is, Williams was bothering me at the park and Sirius showed up to scare him off.”

“Sirius ?!” Both girls looked even more curious now, their eyes shining. 

“Er -” Dammit. It looked like he had just dug himself into a hole.

***

Walking home that afternoon, Remus mulled over the day in his mind. Now that he thought about it, he remembered a lot of people whispering behind their hands and casting glances at him all day. Dully, he wondered how many people knew about Sirius by now. He had begged Lily and Grace to keep it a secret, and they had promised, but when those two were concerned some really juicy secrets had their ways of slipping out.

Well, at least no one had seen them kiss. Remus was pretty sure of that. The school would be buzzing a lot more loudly and there would have been a lot more curious inquiries at lunch if it was known he had been kissing another man. 

Argh, there it was again. Remus had been trying not to think of Sirius ever since Saturday afternoon. But Saturday and Sunday nights had been haunted by dreams of his raven-haired savior, vague dreams that Remus barely understood. He understood enough, however, to understand that part of him was sexually attracted to Sirius, despite the rest of his body’s refusal to accept it. And come to think of it, the same part of him that liked Sirius’ kisses so much was also the part of him that kept begging to see the young man once more. Just once... just once more. To be held in his arms again, to kiss him again... was it love? Remus wasn’t sure. And if it was love, he was doomed. Falling in love with another man, especially one who didn’t love him back, when they barely knew anything about each other... it was wrong. But the brunette couldn’t help how he felt. Maybe it was love. 

He entered the house and went upstairs to change out of his uniform. He was the only one home; his parents were at work and his sister was not yet home from school. 

Remus paused in the act of pulling a t-shirt over his head. He glanced at his alarm clock. Only three-thirty. Why couldn’t he just... go out and look around? See if Sirius was nearby? Just to talk to him. No reason at all why he couldn’t, as long as he was home in time for supper. 

Smiling, he stuffed his keys in his pocket and hurried back out the door.

***

“Ooof!” 

Remus collapsed onto a graffiti-covered, lopsided-looking bench with a grateful grunt. He had been walking for almost an hour; his feet were starting to get tired. And yet, no sign of Sirius, though Remus had done his best to retrace the route Sirius had led him down on Friday night. He tilted his face up to the sky. It had begun clouding up while he walked, and a few drops spattered down onto his shoulders. He’d better hurry home before it really started to pour. 

But as he gazed around, he realized none of his surroundings were familiar. His heart sank. Of course, he shouldn’t have come down here, especially alone; he didn’t know the area at all, and without anyone to help him, had gotten himself lost again. 

The rain started coming down heavier. There were no roofs or overhangs to duck under, and Remus winced as he stood. Why had he even bothered? Was _this_ love, then, to get yourself lost and soaking wet looking for the person you loved? It was more like madness, at least in Remus’ eyes. He was lost and getting steadily wetter as the rain came down heavier, standing and shivering in the middle of an alley in a part of London he didn’t know, searching fruitlessly for a stranger whom he knew nothing about. 

But the thought of trying to find his way home without even catching a glimpse of Sirius was oddly painful; he didn’t want to go home until he looked into those stormy grey eyes once more. 

Shivering and wrapping his arms around himself, Remus headed back the way he had come. Or at least, he tried to. But every turn he took led him down alleys that all looked the same; after almost twenty minutes of wandering, he found himself back at the lopsided bench. He sank back onto it slowly, swallowing hard. By now he was wet to the skin. Even his feet were wet from slogging through puddles. His tawny fringe stuck to his forehead and dripped into his eyes.

“Remus! What the bloody-”

He looked up. Sirius was striding towards him, carrying an umbrella and scowling mightily. An enormous feeling of relief surged over Remus. “Sirius!”

Sirius grabbed him roughly by the arm and pulled him under the umbrella. It hardly mattered; Remus was now so wet that he looked as if he had tried to swim the Atlantic Ocean in his clothes. “What are you doing?! Are you mad? You stupid idiot... d’you _want_ to catch a cold?” 

“No... I... I was looking for you,” Remus said softly.

Sirius stared at him. “Looking for me? What the hell - why would you want to see me?”

“I - I -” Remus couldn’t explain it. He swallowed hard and wrung his hands. “I- j-j-just....” He looked up at Sirius, at his narrowed eyes and fierce scowl, and faltered. What would Sirius think of him? Besides the obvious thought that he was a madman? No one was stupid enough to fall in love with a complete stranger. Well... no one, except himself.

Sirius was still glaring at him, looking impatient. “Well?”

Those eyes were so dark, so piercing. It was almost as if Sirius could see past him and into the very depths of his soul. Looking into them, Remus felt a mad desire to fall into Sirius’ arms and beg the other boy to take him somewhere, anywhere, and do what he wanted with him. Absolutely anything he wanted.

“I - I just wanted to see you!” Remus blurted. “I can’t stop thinking about you... I think - I think I’m falling in love with you!”

He clapped his hands over his mouth, in total disbelief of what had just escaped his lips. Sirius didn’t look happy at the news, or surprised, or taken aback, or angry. His expression was quite hard to read. Ashamed, Remus turned away, stepping out from under the umbrella and back into the rain. He could feel tears stinging at the corners of his eyes, and fought to hold them back. It was no use. His shoulders slumped as his hot, salty tears mingled with the rainwater running down his face.

He felt a hand grip his arm, and the umbrella was over him once more. He avoided looking at Sirius, unwilling to let the other lad see his tears.

“Come on,” Sirius said. “You’re coming home with me.”

He didn’t _sound_ angry; his voice was curiously flat and expressionless. Remus made no attempt to get away. He just kept his head down, letting Sirius pull him through the streets. After a short while, they arrived at an old townhouse with a crumbling front stoop; Sirius unlocked the door and led him inside.

The interior was shabby but kept carefully clean; the carpet was threadbare in patches, and several tatty coats hung on the coat rack by the door. Sirius dropped his umbrella into an old, chipped stand and took off his shoes. “Wait here.”

He disappeared down the narrow, dim hallway and returned carrying a large towel with frayed edges, which he wrapped around Remus like a cloak before pulling the other boy’s shoes off. “Come on, you can’t sit around in soaking wet clothes all day. I’ll get you something to wear.” He led Remus down the hall into a small bathroom and handed him a few more towels. “Go on, dry yourself off while I go see if I have anything to fit you.”

As soon as Sirius had left, Remus let out a shuddery sigh and began toweling his hair dry. He looked unhappily at his reflection in the spotted mirror. He had blown everything, hadn’t he? If he had kept his mouth shut... maybe he could have gotten to know Sirius better before telling him how he felt. Maybe, even, discovered that his ‘love’ was actually just a small infatuation, brought on by their kisses. Was love about blurting out how you felt? And why, _why_ hadn’t Sirius said anything? Was he angry? Upset? Or worse, disgusted?

“Here, I got this for you.” Sirius was back, carrying a pair of old sweatpants and a baggy jumper. “It’s just about the smallest thing we’ve got... even my little brother’s clothes are too big for you.” 

Remus forced a smile as he accepted the clothes. “Thank you. It doesn’t matter, as long as it’s dry.”

“Just fling your wet stuff over the shower bar to dry,” Sirius said. “I’ll go find something to drink.”

Remus finished drying off and pulled on the clothes, which were still a little big for him, then finger-combed his hair into place. He hung his clothes neatly over the shower bar and left the bathroom, looking for Sirius.

He didn’t have long to look. Sirius emerged from the kitchen just as he reached the doorway, carrying two mugs of tea. He handed one to Remus. “Come on, we’ll go sit up in my room.” He led the way upstairs and into a room decorated mainly with pictures and posters of rock stars. The crimson-and-ivory striped wallpaper was beginning to peel in corners, and the hardwood floor was scratched, but the room itself was kept rather neat. The two boys settled themselves on the bed, sipping their tea in silence.

Remus tried not to look at Sirius, still ashamed of everything he had said in the alleyway. Of course he couldn’t expect Sirius to react well to that; after all, Sirius had only done what anyone would have done... well, almost anyone... and just because they had kissed didn’t mean Sirius felt anything for him. It had just been a whim, a fancy... and before he knew it, Remus was crying again.

The mug was gently pulled from his hands, and Remus heard the clink of porcelain against wood as it was set down. But then the totally unexpected happened - Sirius put his arms around Remus and pulled him into a hug, leaning back to rest against the pillows, so that Remus’ head rested on his shoulder. The brunette let out another shuddery sigh, wrapping his arms around Sirius’ waist and hugging back. They stayed that way for a very long time, Remus’ sobs slowly subsiding. Finally, they fell asleep, exhausted from the day’s events and pleasantly warm and drowsy in each other’s arms.

***

Remus awoke much later to find himself lying beside Sirius, wrapped in a blanket. He blinked sleepily, the vague thought that his parents must be worried sick about him crossing his mind, but he ignored it and closed his eyes once more. He snuggled closer to Sirius - what the hell, Sirius was asleep, he wouldn’t care. Remus breathed in the scent of cigarette smoke lingering around the other man. Normally, he hated that smell, but it was somehow soothing when in conjunction with Sirius.

Sirius sighed in his sleep and rolled over, one arm slipping around Remus’ waist, holding him close. Remus’ eyes flew open. He froze, staring at Sirius; but after a few seconds realized Sirius really was still asleep. He was dreaming; maybe he thought Remus was someone else. He could be dreaming about anyone else - probably a young, beautiful girl - and when he felt Remus’ body beside his, thought it belonged to his dream-girl. 

Well, let him think that. He couldn’t possibly know how much Remus liked being in his arms. And...

Smiling slightly, Remus placed a light kiss on Sirius’ lips before settling down once more and shutting his eyes. Maybe Sirius was dreaming of his future princess, but who said Remus couldn’t at least act the part in the meantime?

***

“They’re going to be furious, you know.”

Remus and Sirius were standing on the front stoop of Remus’ house, preparing to go in. Sirius had dispensed with the makeup and black clothes today; he was wearing a totally normal pair of jeans with a plain t-shirt and a denim jacket. He had refused to give up the cigarettes, though; which was why they were still outside. Sirius was finishing one up. 

“Relax. I’ve got a story all planned out, okay?”

“But I was out all night! And I’m missing school as we speak! And - they don’t even know you!”

“I said, relax. Leave the talking to me, okay?”

And with that, he ground out his cigarette and grabbed Remus. He put Remus’ arm around his neck and slipped his arm around Remus’ waist. “Now shut up.”

He jabbed the doorbell. There was a moment’s pause, and then Remus could see his mother’s shadow rippling across the curtain as she came down the hallway. She opened the door and shrieked. 

“Remus! Oh, thank God, we thought you were dead - come in, where have you been, oh, love, we were so worried -”

Remus didn’t say a word as he was pulled into the kitchen by his mother and Sirius. Mr. Lupin was sitting at the table, looking anxious. He jumped to his feet as they entered the room and helped Remus into a chair. “Are you all right, son? What’s happened? Where have you been? And -” he had caught sight of Sirius - “ who is this?”

Sirius smiled charmingly and offered his hand to Mr. Lupin. “Sirius Black, sir. I’m a friend of Remus’.”

Mr. and Mrs. Lupin relaxed visibly at those words. Remus didn’t argue the point, instead letting himself be petted and cuddled by his mother.

“Remus and I were at my house yesterday,” Sirius continued. “He was just leaving when he suddenly came over faint - nearly fell down the steps - and I realized he wasn’t looking too good. He had a slight fever.”

Remus tried his best to look weak and sickly.

“I didn’t want him to try and walk home in his condition, so I made him spend the night with me,” Sirius said calmly. He was an excellent liar; the looks on his parents’ faces convinced Remus that they were buying every word. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get him home sooner. I would have telephoned, but our telephone isn’t working right now - God knows when they’ll ever send a repairman over,” he added, looking disgusted. “I’m sorry if we worried you.”

“Not at all, not at all,” Mr. Lupin said heartily, clapping Sirius on the shoulder. “Now that you mention it - he does look a little peaky -” he peered critically at his son, who tried his best to appear pathetic.

“He was better this morning,” Sirius said. “The fever was gone, anyway. I let him have a bit of a lie-in, but I don’t know how much our walk back here tired him out. I think you should let him stay in bed, at least for today.”

“Of course, of course!” Mrs. Lupin was smiling warmly. “Thank you so much, Sirius - please, stay for breakfast.”

But Sirius just shook his head, smiling. “Thank you very much, but I should be going.” His pale eyes focused on Remus. “You take care, okay?”

“Sure.” Remus smiled back weakly. As soon as his parents looked away, he mouthed, ‘thank you’.

Sirius winked at him. “It was nice meeting you, Mr. and Mrs. Lupin. I’ll see you later, okay, Remus?”

“Okay.” Remus sipped at the orange juice his mother had forced on him, smiling secretly to himself as he watched his mother escorting Sirius to the door. 

***

“I thought you were dead!” Lily flung herself at Remus as soon as he set foot in the classroom the next morning. “God, I thought Williams caught up to you and made you pay for what your friend did to him -”

Remus patted her on the head as they were joined by Grace and Lily’s boyfriend, James. “It’s really okay, I’m fine. I was - just sick.”

He had spent the entire previous day in bed, pretending to be just sick enough to watch the telly, but not well enough to make his mother suspicious. He had dutifully taken the baby aspirin she brought him and ate the soup and grilled cheese sandwiches she cooked. It was very relaxing to enjoy a sick day when he wasn’t even sick. 

“Lucky,” Grace smiled. “You missed a Chemistry exam, but the teachers love you. They’ll let you make it up, no problem.”

Their teacher arrived just then and the class scampered for their seats, talk dying instantly. The teacher didn’t even question the excuse Remus gave him for being absent; it was nice to be trusted. As he pulled out his books and started writing down the day’s notes, Remus felt a piece of paper slip under his elbow. He opened it under the desk after a quick glance around to be sure no one was watching. In Lily’s loopy handwriting, the note read : _‘You’re not getting away that easily, Lupin. Just you wait until break!’_

Remus sighed, but smiled to himself as he slipped the note into his pocket. Ever since his slip-up on Monday, Lily and Grace had been after him whenever possible, trying to get him to tell them more about Sirius, whom they had dubbed the ‘Mysterious Stranger’.

***

The ‘Mysterious Stranger’ appeared at break, much to Remus’ surprise. He was sitting under an oak tree at the edge of the schoolyard, waiting for Lily and Grace, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked up to see Sirius leaning against the tree, back in his usual black clothes and makeup, a cigarette dangling from his lower lip.

“Sirius! What are you doing here?” Remus stood. 

“Just to tell you something. Meet me tonight, okay? Outside Baker’s Sweet Shoppe. I don’t want you getting lost again. Eight o’ clock.”

“Why?” Remus asked, puzzled, but Sirius shook his head. 

“Just show up, okay? Ta, luv.” He strode off, his cigarette leaving a thin trail of smoke behind him. 

Remus stared after him, bemused. He didn’t think Sirius calling him ‘luv’ meant anything even remotely romantic; but why in the world did Sirius want to see him tonight? 

A squeal behind him disrupted his thoughts and made him turn around. Lily and Grace were standing there, their eyes shining. James was behind them, grinning.

“Is that Sirius? He’s cute!” the girls sang.

“He’s too pretty to be a guy,” James smirked. “That’s one cute bird you’ve got there, Remus.”

“It’s a guy!” Lily said, whirling around to glare at her boyfriend.

“Nah. Did you see the makeup? It’s a girl!”

“Is not!”

“Is too! Just because you like guys in makeup doesn’t mean they’re all that way!”

Remus and Grace exchanged glances and giggled as Lily and James continued to bicker. Remus glanced in the direction Sirius had disappeared in, but he was long gone. It was all right, though. They would be seeing each other in a few hours.


	4. The Firsts

**Disclaimer** : For the disclaimer, warnings, etc., please see the first chapter.

~Black~

Chapter 4 - The Firsts

“Be good now, lovey.” Mrs. Lupin placed kisses on her son’s cheeks. “We’ll be back tomorrow night.”

“Okay, Mum,” Remus said, smiling. 

“You sure you feel okay, son?” Mr. Lupin asked, concerned. “I don’t want you staying alone if you’re still not feeling good.”

“I’m fine, Dad,” Remus insisted, helping his parents to carry their luggage outside. He and his father loaded it into the boot of the car. “I’ll be perfectly fine by myself. It’s only for a day.”

“If you’re sure...” Mrs. Lupin kissed him again. 

“I’m sure, Mum. Have fun.” Remus kissed her back.

His father squeezed his shoulder. “Okay, then. But be sure to call if you need us, all right?”

“Okay.” Remus stepped back as his parents got into the car. He waved until they were out of sight, then went back inside. His stomach was full of nervous butterflies, and he thanked God for letting him off easily. His parents were off to visit his aunt in Bristol, and were going to spend the night. And even better, his sister, Serena, was spending the night at a friend’s house. He was going to be the only one home - meaning, of course, that no one would miss him, no matter how long he spent with Sirius.

The rest of the afternoon passed at a snail’s pace; though Remus tried to distract himself with homework, the newspaper, and the telly in turn, he just couldn’t concentrate. His mind kept repeating over and over, ‘I’m going to see Sirius again!’ A very sappy way to feel, and it made Remus feel a little ridiculous, but no matter.

Finally, at seven-thirty, Remus couldn’t stand waiting around the house any longer. He locked up and left, thinking that it might be a tad easier just to wait outside the sweet shop. It was beginning to grow dark as he walked, humming tunelessly to himself, his hands in his pockets. 

But he received a nasty shock when he reached Baker’s. He was just about to go in, hoping to buy some chocolates to eat while he waited, when the door opened and Augustus Williams stepped out, clutching a large sack.

Their eyes met. Williams’ eyes narrowed dangerously, and a ham-sized hand reached out and seized Remus by the collar. He backed Remus against the wall of the building, dropping his bag of sweets. Remus glanced at the door, praying Mr. Baker had seen it and would come to break it up, but Mr. Baker’s back was turned at the moment as he refilled bins of candy.

“Hello, Lupin,” Williams breathed. He thumped Remus up against the wall, making Remus’ teeth chatter. “Thought you were smart the other day, eh? With your little boyfriend to save you?” His brown eyes glimmered with malice. “I don’t see him here right now. In fact, I don’t see anyone here right now.”

It was true; the streets were deserted. Remus gulped. 

“You should have known I’d get back at you,” Williams snarled, shaking him again. “I’d love to bash in your boyfriend’s face, but as he’s not here, I might as well settle for you.” His other hand drew back, forming a fist. Remus closed his eyes, close to tears. 

But the punch never came. Instead, he heard Williams growl, “You again!”

Remus’ eyes flew open. Sirius was there, holding Williams’ fist, glaring at him through a haze of cigarette smoke. A slow smile played across Williams’ lips. “I guess it doesn't matter. I’ve been wanting to settle things with you.” He let go of Remus, who slumped against the wall and rubbed at his throat. 

Williams rolled up his sleeves. “Come on, let’s go.”

“I don’t think so,” Sirius said calmly. “Unless you want someone to see you.” He nodded towards the sweet shop, where Mr. Baker had finally turned around and was peering suspiciously out the window at the three boys. “But if you want to settle things, I’ll be more than happy to meet you another time.”

There was a pause. Williams seemed to be weighing the choices in his mind. Remus tugged at the sleeve of Sirius’ trenchcoat, trying to get his attention, but Sirius ignored him.

“Right, then,” Williams growled at last. “Fine, then, pretty boy - I’ll take you on. The play park. Tomorrow night.” He picked up his bag of candy and stormed off.

Sirius lit a cigarette and looked down at Remus, who was still clinging to his sleeve. “What?”

“Are you mad?!” Remus hissed. “He’s lots bigger than you! He’ll hurt you badly, maybe even kill you -”

“Size is no guarantee of power,” Sirius said. “Come on.”

Remus followed, holding onto his arm. “How can you be so calm? You don’t know him like I do. He’ll get himself a bunch of thugs, probably - you could get really hurt!”

Sirius stopped and cupped Remus’ chin in his hand. “Leave it to me. I’ll be fine. Now drop it, okay?”

Remus really didn’t want to, but he nodded. Sirius smiled and started walking again. 

“Where are we going?”

“My house,” Sirius said. “My family’s gone, no one will care.”

Remus realized he hadn’t seen anyone at Sirius’ house the first time he had been there. “Where are they?”

“Germany,” Sirius replied, flicking his cigarette butt away.

“What are they doing there?”

“Beats me. I don’t really care.”

“Why not?”

Sirius sighed, using his free hand to brush his hair out of his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“But -”

“Shut up.” Sirius’ eyes were suddenly dangerous. Remus shut. It was obviously a sensitive topic. He didn’t say another word as they strolled through the alleyways. Instead, he rested his head on Sirius’ shoulder and closed his eyes, holding onto Sirius’ arm. There was no one to see them, and Sirius didn’t tell him to let go, so it was all right. 

They reached Sirius’ townhouse just as the stars began to show up in the velvety sky. They kicked off their shoes at the door and hung up their coats. 

“D’you want something to eat?” Sirius asked.

Remus hadn’t eaten before he left his house; he had been far too nervous. “Okay.”

He followed Sirius into the kitchen. It was decorated mainly in yellow, with ancient-looking copper appliances. Remus took a seat at the chipped table as Sirius pulled out a can of soup and a battered saucepan. Remus looked around curiously at the small room, too polite to comment on its shabby appearance. Instead, he wondered why Sirius didn’t want to talk about his family, and what they were doing in Germany without him.

“Here.” Sirius put a bowl of soup in front of him and handed him a spoon.

“Thanks.” Remus dipped his spoon into his soup, stirring it around and blowing on it. 

“Is that guy always after you?”

“Williams?” Remus asked, surprised. “Well - I wouldn’t say he’s after me - I don’t know, I’m just not very athletic or strong or anything like that, so he and his friends pick on me.”

Sirius slurped some of the broth directly from the bowl. He had left lipstick smears on the rim, Remus noted with amusement, as the raven-haired boy set it back down. “Are you sure? He’s a little fixated on you, isn’t he? Don’t you remember what I told you the first time I met him?”

“Yeah, but -” Remus chewed thoughtfully on a spoonful of soggy vegetables. “Don’t you think you’re going a little overboard?”

“He was trying to get his hands down your trousers,” Sirius said mildly, spreading margarine on a piece of bread and handing it to him. 

“Thanks for reminding me,” Remus mumbled, taking a bite.

“Sorry. How long has this been going on, anyway?”

“Um - ever since I started going to that school. He’s a year above me.”

“I bet you’d like him gone, wouldn't you?”

“Well, I won’t pretend I wouldn’t be happy if he transferred to another school or moved across the country or something... why?”

Sirius shrugged. “Never mind.”

They ate the rest of their meal in silence. Remus insisted on helping Sirius with the dishes afterwards, even though they didn’t have much to wash. After they were done, they went up to Sirius’ room, stretching out on his bed. 

Remus fiddled absentmindedly with a corner of the blanket. He wanted to ask Sirius about the other night, why he hadn’t answered when Remus confessed that he loved him. He looked up at the other boy. “Sirius -”

He was cut off as Sirius kissed him, his arms sliding around Remus’ waist and pulling him close. Remus closed his eyes and kissed back, his heart pounding as Sirius rolled over so Remus was pinned underneath him. Sirius deepened the kiss, his hands roaming over Remus’ chest, pulling his t-shirt out of his jeans and slipping his hands up underneath it.

“Ah -” Remus gasped as they broke the kiss. Sirius’ hands were cold, but he didn't protest, even when Sirius gently pulled his shirt off, then shed his own. They kissed again, Remus’ fingers trailing delicately over the snow-white skin of Sirius’ chest. He felt breathless and a little dizzy, his heart pounding so loudly he could swear Sirius could hear it.

“Oh -” Sirius nipped at his earlobe, then placed kisses down the side of his neck and across his shoulders. His hands moved to Remus’ fly, undoing the button, pulling the zipper down. 

“Sirius - what -” Remus felt dazed.

Sirius kissed the tip of his nose. “It’s okay. I’ll be gentle.”

“But - ah -” Remus gasped as Sirius’ fingers slipped into his jeans. “Sirius -”

“Relax.” Sirius whispered. His voice was husky. “Just trust me, okay?”

“But -” He stopped protesting and groaned softly when Sirius stroked him gently with one finger. 

“Will you trust me?”

“Yes,” Remus gasped, as Sirius slid his jeans down his hips. “Yes, Sirius, I love you -”

Sirius kissed him, slipping out of his own jeans and pulling Remus into an embrace. The brunette gasped as Sirius pushed against him with a groan of longing. 

“Remus -”

“Go ahead,” Remus moaned, closing his eyes, reaching down to touch Sirius. “Please, Siri -”

“Siri. That’s cute.” Sirius was panting, looking down at him, his hair falling in his eyes. His lipstick was smeared, sweat beading his forehead. He licked his lips, prying Remus’ knees apart. “It’s going to hurt.”

“I don’t care,” Remus whispered. He was beautiful, tawny fringe tumbling into his eyes, a near-desperate expression on his face. “I love you, it’s all right - I _want_ you inside me -”

“Ready or not, here I come,” Sirius smirked. Remus closed his eyes and bit his lip, steeling himself. With a moan, Sirius thrust forward.

“OOOOOWWWW!!!”

***

Remus lay perfectly still afterward, the blankets pulled up to his chin, Sirius’ arm around his waist. Sirius was smoking a cigarette, looking very disheveled and sexy in the moonlight. Remus wanted to get up and go to the bathroom, but he doubted he could even stand right now, let alone walk. The backs of his thighs felt unpleasantly sticky.

“You okay?” Sirius asked him. Remus was pleased to hear a note of concern in his voice.

“I’m fine.” Remus sighed and moved a little closer. It hurt to move, but he ignored the pain.

“No you’re not.” But Sirius only chuckled and planted a tobacco-smelling kiss on his forehead. “I did warn you.”

“Ugh. How big of you.” 

Sirius snickered at the unintentional double entendre, then fell silent. Remus was beginning to get pleasantly drowsy despite the circumstances. He sighed happily, resting his head on Sirius’ shoulder and closing his eyes. 

“Remmie?”

_Remmie?_ Remus opened his eyes, propping himself up on his elbow and looking down at Sirius in surprise. “Um - what?”

“You told me you loved me.”

“Oh -” Remus felt himself heating up and knew he was blushing. It was a good thing it was dark. “Well - I - I meant it. I really do love you. I mean - it’s silly and all - we haven’t even known each other for very long - but... when I met you.. it was...I don’t know. I can’t help it.”

“I know you can’t.” Sirius leaned up slightly to kiss his jaw. “And I’ve got to tell you something - when we first met, I was a little annoyed at you - I thought you were just another rich, private-school snob. But...” He brushed Remus’ fringe out of his eyes. “You’ve grown on me since then.”

“Like a fungus,” Remus said, and they broke into giggles.

“No, really.” Sirius’ voice was gentle. “I’ve gotten used to you. And... I love you too.”

Remus’ heart leapt. “Y- you do?”

“Yeah. I wouldn’t just do it with anyone, you know. _You’re_ the one I wanted to be with.”

“Siri...” Remus brushed away the tears that were trickling down his cheeks.

“Great. Stop crying, okay?” Sirius was smiling. “I like you better when you’re happy.” 

“I _am_ happy.”

Sirius chuckled and pulled Remus back down to lay beside him. “Go to sleep.”

Remus felt as if he would burst with joy. He snuggled close, putting an arm around his lover. _His lover_... the words sounded so good. It was like an enormous weight had been lifted from his shoulders. 

Sirius stayed awake until well past midnight, smoking and stroking Remus’ hair. The other boy slept soundly in his arms, a small smile on his lips. Sirius couldn't help but smile as well, stubbing out his last cigarette and leaning close to whisper in Remus’ ear.

“Don’t worry. After this... you’ll never have to worry about those blokes again. I’ll make sure of it.”

***

The next morning dawned bright and sunny. Remus cracked open one eye, then the other, blinking sleepily around at his surroundings. Sunlight glinted on red-and-ivory wallpaper and scarred, dark-mahogany furniture. Sirius was asleep beside him, breathing softly, the light making gold highlights in his ebony hair. 

Remus sat up, memories of last night washing over him. The encounter with Williams... coming home with Sirius... making love in this bed. He smiled, looking down at Sirius and brushing stray strands of hair out of his lover’s face. He swung his legs out of bed, wincing slightly, and pulled on the first garment he saw - Sirius’ t-shirt from the night before. It was black and hung to his knees. Quietly, so as not to wake Sirius, Remus slipped out of the room and tiptoed down the hall to the bathroom.

On his way back, a photograph on the wall caught his eye. Curiously, he stopped to look. It appeared to be a family photograph. He recognized Sirius at once, standing with his hands on the shoulders of a stately-looking woman. She had long black hair, streaked with white, and steel-grey eyes. Beside her sat a boy who looked younger than Sirius. He had black hair as well, falling about halfway to his shoulders, and grey eyes. There was something vaguely unpleasant about his smile, but Remus couldn’t place it. Behind him stood a very tall man with iron-grey hair, thick eyebrows, and a walrus mustache. His eyes were grey as well and narrowed slightly. All four were dressed in dark colors, and the only jewelry on any of them was the earring in Sirius’ left ear and the antique brooch at the woman’s throat.

“That’s my family.” Sirius spoke from behind him, making Remus jump. He turned to see Sirius scowling at the picture. His hair was hanging in his eyes and he was dressed only in his jeans, which were unbuttoned. He sighed, the scowl leaving his face, brushing his hair out of his way and lighting a cigarette. 

“I’m sorry - I was just looking -” Remus said nervously.

“Don’t be. It’s okay.” Sirius took the picture off the wall, looking at it glumly. “My mum,” he muttered, pointing to the woman. “Walburga. Kid next to her is my little brother, Regulus. And that’s my da. Orion. He’s always been mad that Regulus and I look more like Mum than like him.” He exhaled a stream of smoke at his father’s image. “I hate them,” he said simply, hanging the picture back up.

Remus was taken aback. “Why?”

Sirius just shook his head. “Never mind. I don’t feel like talking about it right now. How about some breakfast?”

“Okay.” Remus followed Sirius to the kitchen, slightly puzzled. 

***

After eating breakfast, taking a quick shower, and getting dressed in his own clothes again, Remus was escorted home by Sirius. They strolled along casually, holding hands. Remus didn’t care that he was late for school. He just liked being with Sirius... his lover. All too soon, however, they were standing in front of Remus’ house.

“How are you going to explain it this time?” Sirius asked.

“My parents are away. They won’t be back until tonight. I’ll just lay around looking pathetic, and when they get home I’ll tell them I had a relapse.”

“You’re turning into a great liar.”

“It’s not _exactly_ lying. They almost didn’t go, they were so worried about me. This is going to make them feel guilty, but...” he shrugged.

Sirius kissed his cheek. “Sounds like you’ve got it worked out. They get suspicious, tell them I stayed with you for awhile, okay? I’ll back you up.”

“Thanks.” Remus kissed him. “Um - are you still going to... meet Williams tonight?”

“Don’t you even think of coming,” Sirius said warningly. “I can handle it. Trust me, all right?”

“All right,” Remus sighed. “But I can’t help worrying.”

“No need. Now get your cute arse in there and start faking sick. Ta, luv.”

Remus watched him until he disappeared down the street, biting his lip uncertainly. He knew he couldn’t sneak out at night to see if Sirius really was going to be okay, not if his parents were to believe he was still sick. “Keep him safe, God,” he mumbled to himself, heading inside.

***

Augustus Williams climbed over the locked gate of the play park, dropping heavily to the ground. He straightened up and started cautiously forward, his eyes darting from side to side. He wasn’t going to let that little bitch’s boyfriend sneak up on him.

But the little bitch’s boyfriend didn’t even try. He was leaning against the fence that surrounded the children’s swings, his long hair and the hem of his trenchcoat moving slowly in the breeze. The end of a cigarette glowed in the dark like a single, watchful eye, and the smell of the smoke drifted to Williams’ nose. He wasn’t even _trying_ to hide.

“There you are,” Williams growled, rolling up his sleeves. The moonlight gave the bloke a weird appearance, making his skin bluish-white and even paler in contrast to his dark hair and clothes, his eyes hidden deep in pockets of shadow.

“Here I am,” Sirius agreed softly, dropping his cigarette and grinding it out. 

“I thought for sure you’d chicken out,” Williams sneered.

“And here I was thinking the same about you,” came the cool reply.

“I’m not a coward,” Williams spat, furious at the insinuation.

“And neither am I. I think we’re pretty evenly matched, don’t you? It’s much more polite to pick on people your own size.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Remus. He’s smaller than you, sweeter, and he’d never hurt anyone. But for some reason, you’re determined to either beat the stuffing out of him, or shag him senseless.”

“Lupin’s a bitch,” Williams snarled. “He deserves what I give him.”

“Really?” his voice was still calm, quiet, polite. He moved forward, so they were standing less than an inch apart. “You know what? I think _you_ deserve what _I_ give you.”

Pain suddenly exploded in Williams’ throat ; hot liquid sprayed his chest. He gasped and tried to speak, but he could suddenly make no noise. In the moonlight, he could see he a dark stain spreading down his shirt. He wiped at it frantically, looking at his hands - blood. _Blood!_ His own blood!

The blade came down again, burying itself in his shoulder up to the hilt. Williams let out a scream of pain no one could hear, reaching for the knife to pull it out of his shoulder, but it was gone.

“Sweet dreams,” the cool voice said, before the knife plunged into Williams’ stomach.


	5. Family Ties

**Disclaimer:** For the disclaimer, warnings, etc., please see the first chapter.

~Black~

\---

Chapter 5 - Family Ties

\---

Remus knew what love was like now.

Love was happy, giddy, a wonderful feeling that made one feel as if one was floating on air. Love was being completely blind to everyone else except for one’s lover, completely unaware of anything else in the universe except that one special person. Love was like a sea, and Remus was drowning. But he liked it. The waters of this sea were particularly sweet.

He was attracting a lot of odd glances lately, mostly from his parents and sister at the moment, who were eyeing him suspiciously as he sat gazing dreamily across the room at the calendar on the wall, eating porridge without noticing what it was.

“Remus?” his mother asked. “Er - Remus?”

His gaze switched to her, his eyes rather glazed, a foolish smile on his face. “Yes, Mum?”

“Are you feeling okay?” Mrs. Lupin had been worried about her son since the other day, when they had returned from Bristol to find him ill and lying on the sofa. Perhaps it was something serious?

“I’m... just lovely, Mum,” he breathed, getting up to put his porridge bowl in the sink. “I’m off.”

He shouldered his schoolbag and drifted out the door.

Mr. Lupin chuckled, ruffling the pages of his paper. “I think I know what’s going on. He’s in love.”

Mrs. Lupin and Serena stared at him. “What?”

“Think about it,” Mr. Lupin smiled. “He’s totally out of it, can’t keep his mind on anything, and can’t stop smiling. I’ll bet you he’s found himself a girl he fancies.”

“Oh, Lyall -” Mrs. Lupin sighed and began gathering up the dishes. “He’s a little young...”

“He’s sixteen. It’s about time he got interested in the fairer sex.”

“Lyall... not in front of Serena....”

\---

Remus had to fight an urge to skip and dance to school that day, he was so happy. His mind was on nothing but Sirius, and the night they had spent together. It had been two days ago, and even though he and Sirius hadn’t seen each other since, Remus was still delirious with joy. The worries he had had over Sirius’ meeting with Williams had been totally forgotten.

Until he arrived at school. The students were gathered in clusters, whispering to each other; curious, Remus approached Lily, James, and Grace. 

“What’s going on?”

“You haven’t heard?” Lily asked, her green eyes wide. “My God, Remus, it’s in all the papers -”

“I haven’t been reading the paper lately,” Remus said. “What’s wrong?”

“Well - yesterday - Augustus Williams was - was -”

“Was _what_?”

“He was found outside the play park,” Grace said in a hushed voice. “Someone _killed_ him.”

“No!” Remus gasped, horrified. “Who killed him?”

“They don’t know,” James muttered. “No clues at all.”

Remus bit his lip. It was true he had hated Williams, had desperately wished at times that the bloke would just go away and leave him alone but - _dead?_ Murdered? No, he hadn’t wanted that at all! Suddenly, he remembered that Sirius had been going to meet Williams... no! Sirius wouldn’t have killed him!

_“I bet you’d like him gone, wouldn't you?”_

Sirius’ words rose unbidden to his mind, and Remus suddenly felt very weak and shaky. 

“Remus? You okay, mate?” James, Lily, and Grace were looking at him with concern.

“I’m all right,” Remus lied, faking a small smile. “It’s just... so unexpected....”

“Yeah,” James nodded vigorously. “I wonder who he ticked off bad enough to get killed?”

“So do I,” Remus said softly.

\---

It was impossible for Remus to concentrate on his lessons that day. He took off running after school, hoping and praying to find Sirius. He had to talk to him, had to make sure Sirius hadn’t killed Williams. He loved Sirius completely and helplessly, and knew his lover couldn’t do something that bad, but he had to ask...

He skidded around a corner, narrowly missing a collision with a baby in a pram, and hurried up the street on his way to Baker’s. He didn’t care if he barely knew the way - he’d find Sirius -

He came to an abrupt halt at the park gates. He had just barely caught a glimpse of black - could it be?

Remus jogged down the path, ignoring the old ladies who smiled at the almost-comical sight of the young man with the bulging bag on his back. He didn’t see anyone remotely resembling Sirius, though he did see a cluster of bobbies standing outside the fence, talking and taking pictures. 

He stopped to catch his breath beside a small group of trees. As he stood there, panting and clutching a stitch in his side, the smell of cigarette smoke drifted to him, out of the trees.

“Sirius?” Remus pushed through a few low-hanging branches to find himself in a small clearing. The trees had grown in a ring around a large patch of grass with a boulder in the middle. On the boulder sat Remus’ lover, smoking a cigarette.

“Sirius!” Remus dropped his bag and ran forward to throw himself into his lover’s arms. “Siri -”

“Remmie? How did you find me?” Sirius asked in surprise. 

Remus hugged him tightly. “It doesn’t matter. Did you hear? Williams is dead - someone killed him, probably the same night you were supposed to fight him!”

“Yeah. I heard.” Sirius ran his fingers through Remus’ tawny hair. 

“I was so scared - I thought you - he -” Remus sobbed.

“Take it easy. You thought I had something to do with it?”

“Yes.... I... know you couldn’t kill anyone but... I still...”

Sirius rubbed his back. “I’ll tell you the truth, Remus. I came to the park and waited for him, but he didn’t show up. I must have smoked half a pack of cigarettes, but he never arrived. I figured he got cold feet, so I went home.”

Remus sniffled. “Really?”

“Really really. I’ve got no time for blokes who are all talk but no show,” Sirius said.

Remus looked up at him. Sirius’ hair was falling over his left eye, completely covering it; the effect was rather odd. Remus reached up to brush it out of the way.

“Hey - Remus - don’t-” Sirius protested, but he was too late. Remus brushed the hair away from his face and gasped - the flesh around Sirius’ left eye was dark purple and puffy. 

“Oh, _Siri_! What _happened_?”

Sirius shook his hair back over his eye. “Nothing.”

“It certainly doesn’t _look_ like nothing!”

“I just - bumped into the door in the dark, okay? Last time I get up without turning on a light.”

“But -”

“Remmie... just leave it alone. Please?”

Remus bit his lip, almost reluctantly letting it go - but something else caught his eye. A dark spot peeking out from the sleeve of Sirius’ trenchcoat. Remus pushed the sleeve up carefully and gasped - a large bruise had spread an inky stain across his lover’s forearm.

“Remmie -”

“Are you sure this is just a bump?” Remus whispered, looking up at him. “You couldn’t have hurt yourself this bad bumping into a door!”

“I - am - FINE,” Sirius insisted, wrenching his arm out of Remus’ grasp and pulling the sleeve back over the bruise. “For the last time, leave it alone!”

“It’s not - because of - Williams, is it?” Remus couldn’t help asking.

“No. I told you, I didn’t see him at all the other night. I just hurt myself getting to the bathroom, okay?”

“Okay,” Remus sighed. But he could tell Sirius was lying. The ‘bumping-into-a-door’ story was an old, old ruse. Maybe Williams hadn’t beaten him up, but it looked as though _someone_ had.

Sirius snuffed out his cigarette and stood. “Look, Remmie... I’d better go.”

“Oh.” Remus couldn’t help but feel hurt. Maybe, perhaps, Sirius was regretting ever telling Remus he loved him? Regretted ever having sex with him? Maybe he thought Remus was too nosy to be his lover anymore.... “Siri?”

“Yeah?”

“The... the other night.... did - you’re not regretting - I mean - never mind.” Remus turned away, his face and ears burning, bending to pick up his bag.

Sirius’ arms were around his waist in a second. “You think I regret making love to you?” he breathed in Remus’ ear, making him shiver.

“I -”

“I meant every word I said,” Sirius whispered, kissing the side of Remus’ neck. “I love you... and I don’t regret a thing... I’m not hurrying off to avoid you.”

Remus went limp with relief. He leaned back into Sirius’ arms, his eyes closed. “Then why are you hurrying?”

“My family’s back.”

“From Germany?”

“Yeah.”

Remus turned around to face Sirius. “Then can I meet them?”

“No!” Sirius said sharply. He softened his tone at the shocked expression on Remus’ face. “No. I.... don’t think it’s a good idea, Remmie. They aren’t... in the best of moods right now. You know... tired from traveling and all that.” His eyes didn’t quite meet Remus’. 

“Oh.... okay.” Remus didn’t pursue it. “Whenever you think it’s time, then.”

“Sure thing. I’ll see you around, love.” Sirius kissed his cheek and was gone.

\---

Sirius slipped into his house and kicked off his boots, fishing his pack of cigarettes from his pocket as he hung up his trenchcoat. The telly was on in the parlor, meaning his father was probably in there, watching the news. Totally unwilling to meet his father face-to-face yet, he went into the kitchen instead.

His mother had her back to him, preparing something at the counter. Beef stew or some other low-budget, easily-prepared dish. His mother was not much of a cook, and sometimes Sirius was glad they were pinched for money - kept his mother from buying expensive ingredients and ruining them. He opened the fridge and poured himself a glass of milk.

“Tell your father it’s time to eat,” Mrs. Black ordered as he put his glass in the sink. Sirius sighed, stuck his cigarette back in his mouth, and trudged down the hall to the parlor.

He stopped in the doorway to survey his father, who was sprawled on the couch, eyes fixed on the telly. Orion Black was a simply enormous man, seven feet tall and over three hundred pounds. Most of his bulk was due to muscle; Sirius could tell anyone that his father was in his prime. Unconsciously, his hand drifted to his bruised wrist and rubbed it.

“Da, time for dinner.”

“About time,” Mr. Black growled, getting up and switching off the telly. He brushed past Sirius, wrinkling his nose. His walrus mustache bristled. “And put out that fag. Last thing I want to smell at the table is those bloody things.” 

Sirius snuffed it out in the ashtray in the hall. Normally, he would have smoked at the table no matter what his father said; but today was a good day to follow orders. His father had been in a wretched mood ever since his return from Germany and problems at work weren’t helping things any. Sirius had been trying to keep a low profile since then. Mr. Black had a violent, easily-stirred temper, and Sirius and his brother Regulus were the general recipients of his wrath. It was safer to do what you were told and keep quiet.

Dinner was silent that night. Nobody dared rouse Mr. Black, not when they observed the way his mustache was bristling over his bowl of stew. Mrs. Black handed around bread and margarine; Sirius and Regulus refrained from kicking each other under the table and minded their table manners. All went well - or as well as a Black family dinner could go - until dessert.

Sirius was just finishing his helping of raspberry crumble and was on the verge of asking if he could be excused when his mother got up to pour his father a second cup of tea. A loud roar from Mr. Black made Sirius jerk his head up from his dessert; Regulus had frozen in the act of reaching for the sugar bowl. Mr. Black was holding his arm, looking livid.

“Stupid witch,” he snarled, striking his wife so hard across the face that she staggered, nearly spilling the hot water from the teakettle onto herself. “Is it really that hard, eh, to pour a cup of tea, that you have to burn me?”

“It was an accident, Da,” Regulus whispered, receiving a slap to the face for his troubles. Orion was on his feet now, breathing heavily. The burn on his arm was hardly serious; a little aloe cream and he’d be as right as rain. But Sirius knew this had been building ever since his father’s return; it had been only a matter of time before the stress wore him down enough to start punishing his family.

He put down his fork and got to his feet. His father’s furious grey eyes turned to him, as if inviting him to have a go; but Sirius was silent, carrying his plate to the sink. He crossed the kitchen and took the kettle from his mother, setting it down on the cooker. He paused on his way out and looked back at his father, fishing his cigarettes out of his pocket. “Take it easy, Da.”

“I told you not to smoke those here -”

“I know. I’m taking it outside,” Sirius said calmly. Raising his voice would only make his father angrier. When no one replied, he headed outside.

He slumped down on the front steps, lighting a cigarette and looking up at the stars. He could hear his father shouting at his mother. A single tear ran down his cheek. He wiped it away impatiently. It had been like this all his life; his father was nothing but a brute who used force to keep his family in line, and his mother clearly regretted ever marrying him but was too proud to divorce him. Sirius supposed it could have been worse; his father could have been a drunk, or his mother could have abandoned her sons in an orphanage someplace. But on the other hand, maybe Sirius would have been better off in the orphanage...

This was why he didn’t want Remus to meet his family. He was deeply ashamed of them, and it only seemed worse when you compared them to Remus’ parents. He was a little jealous of his lover, having parents who loved him so dearly and didn’t hit him or his sister. He sighed, running a trembling hand through his hair as his mind returned to the other night. Williams. He had killed the bloke. Murdered him. He barely remembered doing it. It had been like something he had done in a dream, totally unreal. The headlines in the paper the next morning had shocked him badly, bringing back only the vaguest memories.

What was he going to tell Remus? And how much did the police know? He could have left all kinds of evidence behind. Remus would surely be furious, especially after finding out Sirius had lied to him. More than likely, he would refuse to see Sirius ever again. Sure, he had hated Williams, but Sirius knew Remus would never wish for anyone to die. He wouldn’t want to be touched or held by someone with blood on his hands.

_“I won’t tell him, then,”_ he thought fiercely. _“If... anything happens... if the police come after me... I’ll convince him to run away with me. We’ll... hide, or something... I won’t ever let him know what I did. I’ll tell him I’m being set up... win his sympathy... anything. But there’s no use worrying about it right now. I’ll wait until something shows up. If anything does.”_

That decided, he snuffed out his cigarette and went inside. The arguments had subsided; the telly was back on, perhaps a little louder than necessary, but at least they weren’t fighting anymore. As Sirius trudged up the stairs and down the hall to his bedroom, he noticed his mother’s door was closed. She had probably gone to bed early, as she so often did on the nights when her husband was more easily annoyed than usual. Either that, or Orion had beaten her so badly she had no choice but to stay in bed to recover. Lord knew that had happened often enough.

He stripped down to his boxers and slipped between the covers. He wished he had Remus with him. Having Remus curled up in his arms, his small, warm body pressed close, had made him happier than he ever remembered being. But no... he wasn’t going to bring Remus here. Not with his father around, anyway. 

Sirius stayed awake until nearly eleven, unable to sleep. He trembled helplessly when he heard his father’s heavy footsteps on the stairs - that sound had struck terror into his heart for as long as he could remember, and he knew Regulus was probably just as frightened. Both boys had served as their father’s punching bags when their mother wasn’t around to take the blame. Sirius could vividly remember when his father had been laid off from his job - Sirius had been ten, Regulus eight. Orion had come home, unusually silent. His sons had been playing with their toy cars in the hall (one of the very last times Sirius could ever remember getting along with Regulus, too), and had made a bit of a mess. Not one an ordinary parent would get fussed about, but it had capped off Mr. Black’s furious mood. In the blink of an eye, Sirius found himself flying the length of the hallway, only to collide painfully with the small table the telephone stood on. 

The pain had been enormous; he lay still, gasping and struggling not to cry, only to look up in time to see his father hit Regulus across the face hard enough to draw blood. Regulus had lost a tooth as well, Sirius recalled. And when his mother came hurrying out of the kitchen to put a stop to it, her husband had punched her in the throat. He had most likely been aiming for her face, but in his blind rage had missed by quite a lot. Mrs. Black had had a difficult time catching her breath, and such a large bruise appeared on her throat later on that she had to wear high-collared dresses and blouses for nearly three weeks.

Sirius was used to abuse. He was used to getting hit, used to being beaten. He went limp with relief as he always did when his father’s steps stopped at the top of the stairs, glad that there would be no late night ‘lecture’ about the dangers of smoking. He rubbed his bruised wrist again, unconsciously. His father usually preferred talking with his fists rather than his mouth.

There was no way he could let Remus know... ever.

He closed his eyes and drifted off into an uneasy sleep. When he woke up the next morning, his pillowcase was damp with tears.


	6. Back For Seconds

**Disclaimer:** For the disclaimer, warnings, etc., please see the first chapter.

~Black~

\---

Chapter 6 - Back For Seconds

\---

“Remus, hello? Dear, I’m talking to you.”

“Huh?”

Remus was jerked out of his pleasant daydream to see his mother standing in his doorway, looking at him with some concern.

“Are you all right, lamb?”

“Fine, Mum,” Remus groaned. He didn’t really fancy being called ‘lamb’. “What were you saying?”

“I need to do some shopping. Would you like to come with me?”

Remus looked down at his algebra homework. “Sure.” He slammed the book shut. “I guess a break won’t hurt me.” A break from algebra never hurt anybody.

His mother beamed. “All right. Get your shoes on. I’ll meet you downstairs.” She closed his door quietly behind her and went to get her list and purse. She had been worried about Remus lately, more so than usual, that was. He had always been a quiet child, but this week he had been even more taciturn than usual. She had caught him staring off into space several times, looking quite preoccupied. She supposed it was the shock of one of his schoolmates dying; Lord knew the Williams’ boy’s death had shocked everyone. Mrs. Lupin had known Mrs. Williams from the ladies’ group at church, and the poor woman was out of her mind with grief.

“Ready, Mum?” Remus had come downstairs while she had been deep in thought. Mrs. Lupin pushed the disturbing thoughts to the back of her mind and beamed up at her youngest son. 

“Of course, love. Let’s go.”

He smiled back, holding the door open for her, and she marveled again, as she always did, at how her son had managed to stay so sweet and kind and pure despite everything going on around them. His older brothers, Guillaume and Henri, had always been good children, and so was Serena, but none of them could ever hold a candle to Remus. Sometimes she wondered why God had seen fit to bless her and Lyall with a child like him...

\---

They had a fine time in the shops. There were stops to be made at the post office, the butcher’s, the baker’s, the sweet shop, the florist’s. Finally, they ended up at the produce market to get some vegetables for the casserole they were having for dinner. Remus leaned against the wall, his arms laden with packages, and watched his mother poke and peer at every tomato, trying to find the freshest ones. The smell of cigarette smoke drifted past his nose, and he glanced to his left. 

Two people were standing with their backs turned to him. The taller of the two was dressed entirely in black, with straight, shiny black hair that fell past his shoulders; the other was clearly a woman, wearing a dark blue dress and a matching hat. Her long black hair was streaked with white and held back in a gold clasp. Remus’ heart seemed to skip a beat. He straightened up. “Oi, Sirius!”

The taller one turned. It was indeed Sirius, a cigarette between his lips, his hair combed over his eye again. “Hey, Remmie.”

The woman turned as well. She had a very tired yet stately-looking face, but her grey eyes and long eyelashes were just like her son’s. Mrs. Lupin, who had straightened up at Sirius’ greeting, smiled warmly. “Hello, Sirius.”

“Hello, Mrs. Lupin,” Sirius smiled down at her. “This is my mum.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Mrs. Black said softly, holding out a slender hand. “Walburga Black.”

“Hope Lupin,” Mrs. Lupin shook her hand. “It’s lovely to meet you... I’ve seen you around, haven’t I? At the church breakfasts...”

“Why yes... I’m in the Ladies’ Aid... we do a lot of the baking for those sorts of things, you know...”

As the two women fell comfortably into chit-chat, Remus moved closer to Sirius, who brushed his cheek with a quick kiss. “That’s your mum? She seems like a nice woman.”

“I guess.” Sirius shrugged, flicking ash to the ground. “When she wants to be.”

“How’s... you know?” Remus nodded towards his wrist.

“Getting better. Eye’s almost as good as new, but it’s gone all yellow. You don’t want to see, believe me.”

“That’s good. How’s your dad and brother?”

If he wasn’t mistaken, Remus could have sworn Sirius had suddenly stiffened, as if it was a sensitive query. But he merely shrugged again. “Pretty much the same as always.”

Remus would have asked more, but then his mother called to him. “Remus, darling... we’d better get going.”

“Oh... yes, Mum.” He smiled at Sirius. “See you, Siri... it was nice meeting you, Mrs. Black.”

He and his mother paid for their vegetables and left. Sirius and his mother finished shopping not long after, and headed home in the opposite direction. 

Across the street, Orion Black set down his drink, placing a few notes under his glass and rising to his feet. His eyes were narrowed, and his fists clenched. That boy was going to have some questions to answer once he got home...

\---

Sirius had just finished helping his mother put away the groceries and was about to go out front for a little while when his father entered, slamming the door shut hard enough to make the picture of London Bridge beside the door go crashing to the floor. Sirius raised a slender eyebrow and bent to pick it up, but before he could, his father’s hand was at his throat.

“What the _devil_ do you mean by it, boy?” he snarled.

“Mean by what?” Sirius coughed, trying to breathe against the firm chokehold his father had on him. A door opened and closed somewhere above him, and footsteps sounded in the hall. Regulus and Mrs. Black had crept out of hiding to see what was going on.

Mr. Black thumped Sirius up against the wall, growling. “Kissing that bloke in the shop today.”

_What?_ How could he have seen Sirius kiss Remus? Sirius had taken care to make it a quick, cheek-only kiss, just in case anyone was watching. And what was his father doing, anyway?

“You were following us?” he asked, dumbfounded.

“That’s right.” Mr. Black sneered. “You and your mother - I can’t trust either of you. When I got out of work, I saw the two of you walking by. So I followed you. And I see you snogging some bloke in the middle of a shop -”

“We weren’t _snogging_ ,” Sirius grumbled. “Believe me, you’d know it if we were. It was nothing, Da, really.”

His father let out a roar and shoved him aside, hard. Sirius tripped over the hall rug and went tumbling into the umbrella stand with a hiss of pain. He had barely realized what was happening when his father hauled him up and slapped him. Sirius’ cheek went numb and turned brilliant red; tears of pain gathered in the corners of his eyes. He tried to inch away, but his father came after him, driving his fists into every part of Sirius he could reach. One particularly painful blow to his ribs made Sirius shriek in pain and fall to the floor. He clutched at his side, moaning. A scream sounded from somewhere - it was Walburga, leaping on her husband to stop him. 

“Orion, stop it! - You’ll kill him - stop it now!” she sobbed.

Sirius staggered to his feet, swaying slightly. His entire body ached, and only one thought was running through his mind - get out of the house.

He made it to the doorway, snagging his coat before he ducked out into the chilly night. He descended the steps carefully, clinging to the rail. He turned his head and spit out an amazing amount of blood. The coppery taste in his mouth and the pounding pain in his body made him feel ill, but he somehow managed to walk, shrugging his coat on, not really aware of where he was going.

\---

Remus had just climbed into bed when he heard something tapping on his window. He peered curiously outside, and gasped. Sirius was sitting in the tree outside his window. Remus flung the window open and leaned out. 

“Siri - what -?”

“Let me stay the night,” Sirius whispered. He was clutching his side, and a thin stream of blood ran from the corner of his mouth down his chin. “Please.”

“What happened?” Remus whispered urgently, standing back to let his lover slide in through the window. “My God, Siri - has someone been hurting you?”

“It’s nothing.” Sirius collapsed on his bed, his face somehow paler than usual. “I... just can’t go home like this, okay?”

Remus gulped. “A-all right. But we have to be quiet... my parents can’t find you here, not this late at night...” He helped Sirius out of his coat and boots. “Hold on, okay?”

He hurried off into the bathroom and soon came back with a damp washcloth and a brush. He washed the blood and sweat off Sirius’ face and brushed his hair. “What about your side? You’re holding your ribs. Are any broken?”

“No, they’re good. Just... I dunno. But no, they’re not broken.” Sirius took off his jeans, stretching out on the bed in his t-shirt and boxers. He sighed. “God, I’m beat.”

Remus switched the light off and joined his lover in bed, pulling the blankets up over both of them. “Go to sleep, love. You’ll feel better in the morning.”

“I hope so,” Sirius muttered, closing his eyes. “Wait...”

“What is it?”

Sirius opened one eye. “There is something that would make me feel better.”

“And that is?”

“You.” Sirius sat up and leaned close to whisper in Remus’ ear. “I want you to make love to me. Right now.”

“Siri!” Remus hissed. “We can’t! You’re in pain, and besides, my parents are right downstairs!”

“They won’t know. At least, they won’t if we’re quiet.”

“Siri -”

“Please?” Sirius kissed the nape of his neck. 

“But - but I don’t know how,” Remus whispered helplessly. 

“Doesn’t matter. I’ll help you. It’s okay.”

“Siri -”

“I love you, it’s all right. I _want_ you inside me.” Sirius murmured in his ear, unbuttoning Remus’ pajama shirt.

Having his own words repeated back to him, especially in Sirius’ low, growling voice, made Remus shiver. He didn’t resist as Sirius undressed him and kissed him, his hand dipping lower to more sensitive areas. He gasped as Sirius stroked him gently, arching his back slightly, a barely-audible moan escaping his lips. Sirius smirked. 

“Quiet, love,” he whispered. “Your parents....”

“I am being quiet,” Remus hissed. He pulled impatiently at his lover’s shirt. “Come on, take that off.”

“You changed your mind awfully fast,” Sirius said lightly, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it aside. He nuzzled Remus’ neck, one hand in his honey-brown hair, the other busy below Remus’ waist. “Do you know something?”

“What?” Remus managed. Sirius’ hand was doing wonderful things to him, and he was finding it rather hard to concentrate on anything else.

“I read someplace that sex is a great pain reliever.”

“It works out for everyone, then, doesn’t it?” Remus gasped, hooking his thumbs into the waistband of Sirius’ boxers and sliding them down. “Siri -”

Sirius nibbled at his earlobe. “Keep going. You’re doing splendidly.” He rolled over, pulling Remus down on top of him. 

“Siri - “ Remus was feeling as lightheaded and dazed as he had during their first time. Sirius just smiled lazily up at him. He was beautiful in the moonlight, his long hair spread out on the pillows and half his face in shadow. When he spoke again, his voice was deeper, huskier, somehow feral.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Remus breathed, leaning down to kiss Sirius as his lover gently guided him to the right spot. He bit his lip as he moved inside Sirius, the other boy hissing softly and squeezing his eyes shut. “Siri... am I hurting you?”

“Just keep going,” Sirius panted. “It’ll be okay.” His arms slowly slid around Remus, drawing him down. His breathing became very quick and ragged, his body trembling with desire. “I’m fine... don’t... stop....” He ran his fingers through Remus’ hair, one hand resting in the small of his lover’s back, keeping Remus from withdrawing. It hurt like hell, but he did his best not to let on, moaning softly in encouragement. The pain turned slowly to pleasure, and he had to bite down on Remus’ shoulder to stifle his cries. Remus gasped softly, burrowing his head against his lover’s neck and whining slightly. His fear of hurting Sirius dissolved as the raven-haired boy moved with him, voicing low, throaty cries of ecstasy.

Well, Sirius had been right about one thing - sex was a great pain reliever. Remus barely felt it when Sirius bit him, or when he raked his fingernails down Remus’ back - they weren’t long enough to make him bleed, but they were still long enough to hurt. Their rhythm sped up as they became more and more desperate, their bodies slick with sweat - Remus prayed his parents couldn’t hear anything - Sirius suddenly went rigid under him, a half-muffled sound like a low growl escaping his lips. Remus couldn’t hold back any longer, and cried out against Sirius’ neck as he came.

\---

He wouldn’t let Sirius smoke afterward. “My parents would smell it,” he pointed out.

“Right,” Sirius mumbled, rolling onto his side and pulling Remus against him. He grinned and kissed the tip of his lover’s nose. “It was wonderful, too, by the way. For someone who doesn’t know what he’s doing, you sure are good at this.”

Remus blushed furiously. “Shut up!”

Sirius chuckled and kissed him softly. “So modest.”

Remus tried and failed to glare threateningly at him. He just didn’t have it in him to be threatening, and he collapsed into silent giggles, pressing his face against Sirius’ chest in an effort to stifle any escaped laughter. When he had himself under control, he raised his head to look at Sirius, who was gazing back at him with sleepy, half-lidded eyes and a small, satisfied smile. “I almost forgot to ask - how did it do for your pain?”

“Bloody fabulous,” Sirius murmured, closing his eyes. “Forgot all about it. Thanks.”

“You’re very welcome.” Remus yawned and closed his eyes as well. “Goodnight, love.”

“’Night, Remmie.”

\---

Remus was awakened rudely much earlier than usual by a loud hammering on his door. He sat up, blinking, his hair mussed and his mouth unpleasantly dry. He started to get out of bed, and realized he was naked. Beside him, Sirius mumbled unhappily and rolled over. His entire left side was badly bruised, and as soon as he rested on it Sirius grunted and moved back onto his right side. There were more, smaller injuries on his arms and legs, the result of the beating he had received. Remus himself had a large bruise on his shoulder where Sirius had bitten him last night, but he barely registered it as he gazed in horror at Sirius’ bruised ribs.

“Remus! Are you awake?”

Remus jumped, then hurriedly pulled on his pajamas and squinted at the clock. It was much too early to get up for school; he crossed the room and opened the door far enough to stick his head out. His mother was standing fully dressed in the hall, wearing her best hat and pulling on her gloves.

“Oh, love - your father’s had an important business call, he’s got to rush, I’m going with him... we’ll be home tonight... I’m sorry to wake you up so early but...”

“Never mind, Mum,” Remus yawned, letting her kiss his cheek. “Go on, then. See you tonight.”

She kissed him again and darted down the stairs. Remus closed the door and trudged back to bed, snuggling close to Sirius under the warm covers and closing his eyes. He vaguely heard the front door open and shut, followed by the car’s engine, and then everything was quiet once more. He dozed until his alarm clock went off at seven. Sirius moaned as Remus leaned over and shut it off, rolling over and raising a hand to brush his hair out of his eyes. “Morning.”

“Morning.” Remus tugged on his arm. “Come on. We should both take showers before my sister wakes up.”

He had meant _separate_ showers, but Sirius followed him to the bathroom and joined him. Remus blushed. “Sirius!”

“We’ve seen each other naked. We’ve had sex twice, and you’re too shy to let me shower with you? I thought time was of the essence here.” Sirius carefully touched his bruised side and winced.

He had a point. Remus sighed and reached for the shampoo. “Okay. But if you try anything... I’m going to turn the cold water on instead.”

“Ugh.”

It was possibly the fastest shower anyone had ever taken while sharing the soap with their almost divinely attractive lover, but Remus was just in a rush to get clean and dressed before Serena got up. They barely scraped it as it was - they had just sat down to toast and eggs in the kitchen when Serena wandered in, yawning and smoothing the pleats of her skirt. 

“Morning.” she eyed Sirius. “Who are you?”

“Sirius. Friend of Remus,” Sirius replied.

“When did you get here? And why are you dressed like _that_?” she asked in a thoroughly obnoxious way, eyeing his black t-shirt and jeans. Remus supposed it was a good thing that Sirius’ makeup was all at his own house.

“Not too long ago, and I’m dressed like this because I’m not in Remus’ school,” Sirius muttered. “Ready to go, Remmie?”

“Yeah.” Remus grabbed his bag. “Mum and Dad are going to be away until tonight, Sere. I’ll cook dinner, okay?”

“Sure,” she said absently, tucking into a bowl of cereal.

“Don’t be late for school. C’mon, Siri.”

Remus fully expected Sirius to leave him as soon as they reached the park, but Sirius walked the entire way to school with him, hands deep in his pockets and a cigarette in the corner of his mouth. They were greeted at school by suspicious stares and whispered comments, most of the students looking nervous or scared. The only ones who weren’t shy were Williams’ friends, who were shooting ugly glances at Remus from across the yard. 

“Is he the one you hired to do it, then, Lupin?” a large redhead by the name of O’Shea inquired loudly. 

“Do what?” Remus asked, with a credible imitation of politeness.

“Kill Augustus Williams. You had this bloke kill him, didn’t you?” O’Shea demanded.

“Of course not,” Remus said coldly, glaring at him. “Why would I have anyone kill anybody? I don’t fancy spending the rest of my life in jail.”

O’Shea snorted in disbelief and opened his mouth to say something scathing, but snapped it shut again as Sirius fixed him with a piercing glare and lit another cigarette. O’Shea retreated to his group of friends, shooting malevolent looks over his shoulder. 

“Remus!” a voice sang. It was Lily, waving at him from under the oak tree. James and Grace were with her. Sirius clapped Remus on the shoulder as they approached. “See you.”

“Okay,” Remus replied. Sirius turned in a swirl of trenchcoat and departed, his cigarette trailing smoke over his shoulder. James, Lily, and Grace stared.

“Okay,” James said abruptly, as soon as Sirius had vanished. “Tell me now, Remus - is that a girl, or a bloke?”

“He’s a boy,” Remus said, smiling.

James twitched slightly and pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. “Er - but the first time we saw him, he was wearing makeup....”

“He usually does. What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing at all,” Lily and Grace sighed dreamily, still staring in the direction Sirius had gone.

“Women...” James muttered as the bell rang.

Remus cast a nervous glance over at O’Shea and the rest of Williams’ friends as everyone began filing inside the building. He prayed they’d leave him alone. The last thing he wanted was lads like them on his trail; Williams may have been the worst of the lot, but the rest were just as bad...


	7. The Next One

**Disclaimer:** For the disclaimer, warnings, etc., please see the first chapter.

~Black~

\---

Chapter 7 - The Next One

\---

Remus whistled happily as he walked home from school that day. He had ended up having a better day than he had expected; O’Shea had spent a long time glaring at him during morning break and lunch; but he didn’t seem eager to approach Remus when Remus was with his friends. Lily and Grace hadn’t stopped grilling him over Sirius since that morning; notes had fairly flown across the classroom that day. Remus supposed it was a good thing he lived on the other side of town as his friends; if they lived nearby the girls would have had him playing Twenty Questions all the way home. He couldn’t help but smile to himself as he walked - both girls had been so disappointed when Remus couldn’t tell them the answers to the questions they asked.

But his smile died abruptly. The whole truth was, he didn’t know a single thing about Sirius. Well - he knew a few things, but on the whole, he was totally clueless about the lover he had taken. He didn’t know anything about Sirius’ family or his past; didn’t know what he liked or what he hated. Sirius was a large mystery still, and Remus was becoming frustrated about not knowing the answers. 

He sank onto a bench outside a dress shop and bit his lip. Why wouldn’t Sirius let him meet his family? Why wouldn’t he open up more, and tell Remus about himself? Not knowing was driving the poor boy crazy. He wondered, once again, if perhaps Sirius didn’t trust him enough to tell him anything. Despite everything Sirius had told him the day before, doubt still nibbled at him. He wanted to know everything there was to know about Sirius.

A headline from the newspaper box nearby caught his eye and cut off his train of thought. He put some change in the box and pulled out a paper. The headline read: _‘Williams Boy’s Death Possibly A Suicide?”_

Remus read the article, gnawing on his bottom lip the entire time. The police had found no evidence of murder, and some were starting to speculate over whether Williams’ death had been a murder or a suicide. No evidence of anyone there besides Williams pointed toward a suicide; however, the fact the police had been unable to recover the knife which had killed the lad pointed toward a murder. Williams’ parents were quoted in the article, claiming their son had never been suicidal, that the very idea was ridiculous. 

“Reading up on your success?” a sneering voice asked.

Remus looked up into the ruddy, freckled face of O’Shea, who had come up behind him while he was reading the article. He gulped. “Wh-what are you talking about?”

“Augustus!” O’Shea growled. He pointed towards the headline. “He’s dead. And I don’t care how much you deny it, you killed him! I know you did!”

“No, I didn’t!” Remus said, standing up and backing away. “I swear, I never saw him! I didn’t even know he was dead until I got to school the day after it happened!”

“Liar!” O’Shea yelled. Passerby were starting to stare. “Even if you didn’t kill him yourself, you paid someone to do it! How about that scary bloke you’ve been hanging around with? That guy Black? Everybody knows he’s bad news - you got him to kill Augustus, didn’t you?”

“No, I -”

“How much?” O'Shea shrieked. He looked quite mad; his ruddy face was flushed an ugly puce color and spittle was flying from his lips. “How much did you pay him? Or - did you just shag him instead? Kill him for me, and I’ll let you screw me?! Was that how it was?!”

“No!” Remus yelled back, tears spilling down his cheeks. The people around them had stopped pretending not to listen; they were staring, open-mouthed, at the boys. “I never went near him, I was afraid of him, why would I go after him at all? I just wanted to stay as far away as I could from him!”

“You -!” O’Shea lunged, looking angry enough to tear Remus’ throat out. Remus dodged, and as O’Shea stumbled and fell, ran for it. He ran as he had never run before, so fast he felt as if he had wings on his feet. He didn’t stop until he was safely shut up in his bedroom, where he curled up on his bed, trembling. 

He had no idea how long he lay there, shaking; he fell into a half-doze, only to be jerked away from the rim of sleep by a knock at his door. 

“Remus, love? Are you awake? You need to come downstairs. The police are here.”

He sat bolt upright, his stomach plummeting to his feet. The police? Well, naturally, anyone would have been suspicious after the argument in front of the dress shop - any of the passerby could have called the police and alerted them. Or... O’Shea himself could have told them...

Remus slowly trudged downstairs. Two bobbies were sitting in the parlor with his mother, sipping tea. They looked rather stern, and Remus felt nervous butterflies in his stomach. He sank into a chair, trying his best to look curious.

“Are you Remus Lupin?” one of the bobbies asked. He was rather paunchy, with a white mustache. The other bobby was skinny, with ridiculous mutton-chop sideburns.

“Yes.” Remus said, almost bursting with nervousness.

“Chap came down to the station today, told us you know something about the death of Augustus Williams,” Mustache said coolly. Remus’ mother gasped. 

“Was his last name O’Shea?” Remus asked softly.

Mustache raised an eyebrow. “You know him, then?” 

“He doesn’t like me much,” Remus said. “He got into a fight with me today, and accused me of killing Williams, or paying someone to do it for me. I told him he was wrong, but he didn’t listen.”

Sideburns nodded. “You say he doesn’t like you? Why?”

“I don’t know. He’s hated me ever since I started at that school.”

“So it’s been going on awhile.”

“Yes, sir.”

“So you really weren’t near Williams when he died?” Mustache grunted.

“No, sir,” Remus said, shaking his head. “I didn’t know he was dead until I got to school and heard everyone talking about it.”

“Well, then - where were you that night?”

“At home,” Remus said. “I was helping my sister with her homework.”

Mrs. Lupin nodded. “They were sitting right here, officers. I could hear them talking from the kitchen.”

Mustache and Sideburns seemed satisfied. They rose, put on their hats, and shook hands with Remus, thanking him for answering their questions. They tipped their hats to Mrs. Lupin and left after thanking her for the tea.

As soon as the door shut behind them, Remus let out a shuddery sigh and slumped back into his seat. His mother hugged him. “Are you okay, love?” 

“Fine,” Remus murmured against her shoulder. “I was... just nervous...”

“How could they even suspect you of a murder?” Mrs. Lupin murmured, stroking his hair. “You wouldn’t hurt anyone. Besides, you were home all day. I would have noticed if you left...”

Remus hugged her tightly. “I love you, Mama.”

He hadn’t called her that in a very long time. Mrs. Lupin kissed his cheek. “I love you too, lamb.” There were tears in her eyes as she released him. “Go get your sister, okay? I could use a pair of good helpers to help me make supper.”

“Yes, Mama.” 

\---

 

Saturday was a cloudy, grey day. Remus had intended to stay inside and work on homework all day, in the hopes that Sunday would be a nicer day. And he did, even foregoing his usual morning routine of cereal and cartoons in favor of algebra, Latin, and French. 

He worked until past lunchtime, finally finishing his last page of work sometime around two. He stretched and yawned, setting down his pen and thinking longingly of the bowl of egg salad waiting for him downstairs. He had just gotten up when the door opened and Sirius poked his head in. “Hey, Remmie.”

Remus smiled at him. “Hello. When did you get here?”

“Just now. Your mum invited me to lunch. She wants to know if you plan on staying up here until Monday morning.”

“I was just finishing up.” Remus joined his lover at the door. “Come on, Mum’s got egg salad for us.”

Mrs. Lupin smiled at them as they entered the kitchen. “Hungry, lads?”

“Yes,” the said in unison, sitting down. Remus’ mother placed sandwiches in front of them and poured glasses of juice. As the hungry boys attacked their lunches, Serena’s voice called from upstairs. “Mummy! Come here, please!”

Mrs. Lupin hurried away, leaving Remus and Sirius alone. As soon as she had gone, Sirius put down his sandwich and fixed Remus with a stern glance. “Listen, you. I heard the police came to talk to you last night.”

“How did you -”

“Your mum. The police came to chat with me, too - glad I was the only home... I’d never hear the end of it if anyone had been around... anyway... why are they thinking you and I ever had anything to do with it?”

He had _mostly_ told the truth to the police. Yes, he knew a Remus Lupin; yes, he had known Augustus Williams; yes, O’Shea and Williams had borne a grudge against Remus for some unfathomable reason. No, Remus would never have hurt anyone, let alone kill them. His only lie had been when he had told the bobbies that he had never been alone with Williams. He had trotted out the same lies he had told Remus - meant to fight him, Williams never showed up, he had gone home without ever seeing the bastard. They had believed him - Sirius was an excellent, convincing liar.

“I... had a fight with O’Shea yesterday,” Remus said softly. “He accused me of hiring you to kill Williams. The police said O’Shea had told them the same thing. I... I’m sorry to get you dragged into it.. I... I know you couldn’t have done it...”

Sirius leaned across the table and kissed Remus softly on the lips. “Don’t fret. I can handle the police, okay? You just keep your mind on yourself. You’ve got too much going for you to get involved with a murder investigation. And as it is, it looks like they’re going to dismiss it as a suicide.” He went back to his sandwich. Remus sighed softly and toyed with his napkin. 

“Sirius...” 

His lover looked up at him. His black eye had healed entirely, and he had returned to wearing eyeliner (though he had laid off the lipstick today, not wanting to frighten Mrs. Lupin too badly); he arched a slender eyebrow. “What is it, Remmie?”

“Um... Siri... I want to know... I need to know... I -I mean....” he faltered, and looked down at his half-eaten sandwich. “I want to know everything about you! But... you won’t... you won’t tell me anything... and I... I can’t help but think you... don’t trust me....” Remus blinked back tears. “I just... love you so much...”

Sirius got up and hugged him. “I’m sorry, Remmie. I... I’ve been hurting you, haven't I?” 

Remus didn’t reply; just leaned into Sirius’ arms and sniffled. But they broke apart as footsteps in the hall announced the return of Mrs. Lupin. When she entered the room, Remus’ tears were gone, and both boys were chewing on egg salad.

“Remus? Are you all right?” Mrs. Lupin had noticed her son’s eyes were a little puffy. 

“Oh - fine, Mum.”

“Your eyes are red.”

“Blame him,” Remus said, glaring at Sirius. “He told a stupid joke and I laughed until I cried.”

Sirius smiled at Remus’ mother. “Want to hear it?”

“If it’s not in bad taste.”

“It isn’t. Okay, a mollusk walks up to a sea cucumber.....”

\---

It was nearly midnight when O’Shea staggered out of a pub, swaying dangerously and having to clutch at railings and lampposts to stay upright. True, he wasn’t yet old enough to drink legally, but his uncle was the owner of the tavern. His uncle was a huge, Irish giant of a man, with flaming-red hair and a matching mustache and beard, who believed firmly that a little alcohol never hurt anyone, and let his family drink for free. 

O’Shea moaned as his head gave a particularly nasty throb, and leaned wearily against a postbox to rest. This would mean a fine hangover the next day - maybe he could get out of school. Pushing back his shaggy red hair, he closed his eyes and rested his forehead in his hand. Not for the last time, he vowed he would never drink again, knowing perfectly well at the same time that he’d be back in another couple of days or so. Wednesday nights were the best; there were pool tournaments and dart games then.

The street around him was utterly abandoned. London was quiet and sleeping, and the only sounds were the doleful chirping of crickets and the faint drone of cars on the motorway. Not even an alley cat was stirring. So it came as a surprise to O’Shea when he heard the tapping of bootheels on the pavement, coming towards him. He looked up, blinking rapidly.

It was that bloke who knew Lupin. The freak with the long hair and the makeup. He was walking quickly, one hand inside his coat, listing slightly to one side as if his ribs hurt. Vaguely, O’Shea wondered if he was drunk as well. Black stopped about a yard away from him, raising one hand to brush his hair out of his eyes. 

“Isn’t a little late for you to be out?”

“Look who’s talking,” O’Shea retorted. “I’m older than you.”

Black shrugged. “Older or not, I can bet you’re not old enough to be out all night drinking.”

“Who says I was?”

“You stink like alcohol. You look like you’re going to collapse any minute. I think I know a falling-down drunk when I see one.”

“Shut up,” O’Shea snapped. “What is it with you, anyway? Are you Lupin’s bitch? I wouldn’t be surprised. Are you taking orders from him, so you can get in bed with him?”

A slow smile spread across Sirius’ lips. “I don’t need to kill people to get in bed with Remus.”

“He’s that easy, is he? He always played the saint with Williams - ‘don’t touch me, go away’. But he’ll let you screw him for nothing?” O’Shea chuckled. “He’s stupider than he looks, isn’t he?”

Black took a step closer. He drew his hand out of his coat, revealing a long knife. O’Shea stepped back, the sight of it slamming through the pleasant haze of drunkenness clouding his mind. “Hey - wait a minute here -” But Black kept coming, slowly, purposely. His eyes had gone oddly blank. O’Shea turned to run, but hit a dustbin, unseen in the darkness, and before he could struggle to his feet, Black was on top of him.

“Time to say goodnight,” Black murmured in his ear as the knife came down.


	8. Bloodstains

**Disclaimer:** For the disclaimer, warnings, etc., please see the first chapter.

~Black~

\---

Chapter 8 - Bloodstains

\---

When Sirius awoke the next morning, it was nearly noon. He sat up and stretched, and as soon as he moved, he gasped in pain, stiffening. His back hurt tremendously - it felt like someone had driven a railroad spike down his spine. He grabbed at it and hissed. His right arm was sore, as well - what had he been _doing_ last night?

His eyes wandered over to his clothes, thrown in an untidy heap on the floor. There were dark patches on them, some looking still wet. Too curious to care about his back, Sirius slid off the bed and picked up his t-shirt.

_Eurgh._ It was still wet. He dropped it in disgust, then froze when he saw the wet patch had left red smeared all over his fingertips.

Blood.

Whose blood?

No time to worry about that now. Sirius wiped his fingers clean on a blood-free patch of shirt, then rose awkwardly and hobbled over to his wardrobe to pull on new jeans. Then he scooped the messy clothes up, trying to keep the bloodstains folded in, and hurried downstairs.

The house was silent. His father was at work, his mother off probably shopping, and Regulus was at school. Thanking God silently for small miracles, Sirius hurried to the cellar to toss the clothes in the wash. While the machine ran, he went upstairs and took two aspirin with a swig of brandy to dull the pain in his back. Then he slowly made his way back to his room, examining the walls and floor closely. Thankfully, there was no trace of blood anywhere, and Sirius flopped back on his bed with a sigh. 

He remembered arguing with O’Shea, who had obviously just returned from a pub. They had been fighting about Remus. And then, everything went fuzzy. Sirius supposed he had killed O’Shea, but that didn’t explain the terrible pain in his back. He didn’t think he would have pulled a muscle just raising a knife... He closed his eyes. His encounter with Williams had been this way, too. He could remember up to a certain point, but then everything became blurred. Trying to force himself to remember hurt Sirius’ head after awhile, so he gave it up and went downstairs to put his clothes in the dryer.

The police would be paying him another visit, that was for sure. O’Shea dying the very same day he had told the police on Sirius and Remus? A little too much of a coincidence, wasn’t it? He’d have to come up with a good cover story. And Remus... he’d have to lie to Remus again. Sirius groaned softly at the thought. He didn’t want to lie to Remus. He loved Remus... but he couldn’t tell the truth, either. The truth would horrify his lover.

The aspirin and brandy began to kick in and Sirius closed his eyes and slumped into a chair. He put his hands over his face and wondered dully what was happening to him.

\---

The headlines screamed the news across England - _‘Another Teenage Boy Murdered! Police Fear Serial Killer!’_

Remus put the paper down with shaking hands, swallowing hard. First Williams... now O’Shea... it seemed like everyone who had ever tormented him was in danger of dying. Why was this happening? What did it mean? Did Sirius know about this? 

He gnawed nervously on a fingernail, staring across the room, and didn’t hear his mother calling him until she waved her hand in front of his face.

“Remus? Remus!”

He looked around at her, feeling slightly dazed. “Yes, Mum?”

“Sirius is here to see you. He’s at the door.”

Remus hastened to answer it. His lover was standing outside the house, hands deep in his pockets and a cigarette in his mouth. He looked troubled. As soon as Remus came to the door, Sirius beckoned to him. “Come with me.”

“Where are we going?” Remus asked. 

“I need to talk to you. Privately. Can you get away?”

“Sure,” Remus replied, perplexed. He snagged his coat and stuck his head in the parlor. “Mum, I’m going out with Sirius. I’ll be back soon.”

“Okay, lovey,” Mrs. Lupin replied, and Remus bounded down the front steps, slamming the door behind him. 

“So where are we going?” he repeated, falling into step beside Sirius. 

“The park. I think we need to talk.” Sirius said shortly. Neither said a word until they reached the small grove of trees in the park where they had met the other day. They sat down on the grass, and Remus looked expectantly at Sirius, but Sirius still didn’t look like he was ready to talk.

“Siri...”

“The police are going to come talk to us again,” Sirius said flatly. “I know you’ve seen the papers. O’Shea is dead. And this is going to mean trouble for the both of us. You understand this, right? Wouldn’t it look suspicious to you? O’Shea dying the same day he accuses us of murdering his best friend? I can’t believe the police aren’t swooping down on us right now.”

“But I didn’t - I - I was home all night, we had company, they couldn’t - and you -”

“I know you didn’t.” Sirius put an arm around Remus’ shoulders. “But you can see it from an outsider’s point of view, can’t you?”

“Yes,” Remus sighed unhappily, burrowing his head against Sirius’ neck. “Yes, I see. Siri, what are we going to do?”

What were they going to do? Sirius had no idea if he had left any evidence behind or not. In fact, he couldn’t remember doing much of anything at all. The paper claimed O’Shea’s body had been found near the park - nearly three miles from the alley in which Sirius remembered meeting him. At least that explained the pain in his back - while he was... when he didn’t know what he was doing, he must have moved O’Shea’s body... _anyone_ could have seen him...

In any case, sooner or later _someone_ was going to figure it out. When that happened, what would they do? And what would he tell Remus? At some point, he was going to have to admit the truth. He was going to have to confess that it was he who killed Williams and O’Shea. What then? Would Remus stay with him? Or would he run to the police, terrified that Sirius might kill him next?

He kissed Remus’ temple. “I don’t know, my love. I just don’t know.”

\---

It was four days later when Mrs. Lupin returned home from a church fundraiser with the news that Mrs. Black was ill - she hadn’t been seen at the fundraiser, which was surprising, as she was always a big part of those sorts of events. Mrs. Lupin looked troubled when she gave Remus the news. 

“The poor dear, she works too hard... Remus, why don’t I make a bouquet for her, and you can bring it to her for me?”

Remus nodded. His mother pulled on her gardening gloves and reached for her clippers, going out into the garden to cut some stems from her beloved rose bushes. It would be an excellent opportunity to finally meet Sirius’ family, Remus figured, though he was genuinely sorry that Mrs. Black was ill. If Sirius wouldn’t tell him anything, he’d just have to find out for himself. He had thought Sirius would have told him a few things the other day, when he admitted not knowing anything was driving him mad; but then the whole thing with O’Shea had happened, and thrown everything into turmoil.

Mustache and Sideburns had visited again, just as Sirius predicted they would; however, they didn’t seem to think there was a large possibility Remus was involved this time, even without assurances from his parents, his sister, and their guests that Remus had never left the house. Sideburns mentioned they had been discovering a lot of people who held grudges against O’Shea or his family; they weren’t very popular around London, as they were mostly hot-tempered, arrogant people who were hard to get along with. Remus supposed they must have questioned Sirius as well, and resolved to ask what had happened.

Mrs. Lupin finished wrapping the bouquet in delicate tissue paper, tying a bright ribbon around the stems. “Here you go, lamb. Tell her I hope she gets better soon - the church just isn’t the same without her!”

“Yes, Mum,” Remus said obediently, taking the flowers and leaving. By now he had memorized the way to Sirius’ house, and hurried along his way, unable to stop a joyful grin from spreading across his face. Despite all his worries, Remus couldn’t help but feel upbeat. He liked any excuse to see Sirius, and rather hoped he’d be invited to stay for dinner, just so they could be together a little longer - maybe, even, he could sleep over. The heat rose in his face at the thought and he knew he was blushing, feeling a pleasurable squirm in the pit of his stomach. 

He reached the Blacks’ townhouse and knocked on the door (the bell had been broken for several months). No one answered, so he knocked a little louder. Still no answer, and it looked like no one was home. Disappointed, Remus started to turn away, but then caught the sounds of two voices from inside the house. He couldn’t make out what was being said, but when he tried the doorknob, it was unlocked. He entered cautiously.

“Excuse me - um, hello? Sirius? Mrs. Black?”

The voices were coming from the kitchen - he recognized one as Sirius’. The other was much deeper, probably his father. Remus crept down the hall way. As he got closer, the voices grew louder - almost to the shouting point. Remus stopped to listen.

“Goddamn good-for-nothing brat - you don’t do anything, you don’t even have an effing job - skiving off school almost every day, you never help your mother - useless witch - smoking fags, shagging boys, and I know you’ve been into my liquor!”

A mumble, which must have been Sirius replying. 

“What? Speak up, dammit. Have you been using it to get your little boyfriends drunk, so they don’t know what you’re doing to them?”

“Shut it, Da.” Louder.

There was a sudden smacking noise that made Remus jump. It had sounded like a slap. 

“Don’t you dare tell me to shut it, laddie. I’m your father!” Another loud smack. Remus winced, moving closer to the kitchen door in an attempt to better hear what was going on inside. The door was slightly ajar, and he could see Sirius and a huge man he assumed to be Sirius’ father, facing each other. Mr. Black’s hand was still raised; Sirius was looking back at him defiantly, his cheek blazing red. So his father _had_ slapped him. 

Remus covered his mouth with one hand as he put two and two together. The bruises... his father had put those on him? Sirius was being beaten by his father? Perhaps that was why Sirius didn’t want him to meet his parents, or why he never answered questions about them? Remus berated himself silently. He was so stupid not to have seen it earlier...

“And you never answered me about the other day. You know how your mother and I feel about that kind of thing - your mother would never be able to show her face again at that church if everyone knew her worthless son was gay -” he smacked Sirius again. “As if I don’t have enough problems at work -” he hit Sirius in the arm. Sirius didn’t make a sound, but his face contorted in pain and he rubbed his arm. Remus’ eyes filled with tears. How dare he, how dare that horrible man beat his own child like this. As Mr. Black continued to rant and rave and hurt Sirius, Remus wiped his eyes on his sleeve and took a deep breath before throwing the kitchen door wide open.

“Stop it, you’re hurting him!” he cried, dropping the flowers and running to his lover’s side. He put his arms around Sirius’ neck and glared at Sirius’ father. 

“Remmie -” Sirius protested weakly, but he was cut off by a loud laugh from his father. 

“Your bitch came to your rescue? Let me tell you, lad - this is my son. If he’s acting up, I’ve got to set him right!”

“You can’t hit him!” Remus replied fiercely. He had never been as scared as this in his life, but he was determined to stand up to this bullying git. “You’re the one who’s been putting all those bruises on him, aren’t you?”

“Remmie -” Sirius said again.

“Don’t interrupt him,” Mr. Black said. He was smiling, though his mustache was bristling and a vein in his temple was pulsing alarmingly. “Let him say what he wants to say. I’d like to hear it.” His hostile grey eyes fixed on Remus’ wide, fearful hazel ones. “You don’t want me to hit him? Why? Too afraid he won’t be able to play anymore?”

Remus swallowed hard. The man standing across him was dangerous, possibly mad; he felt a strong urge to turn tail and run. He didn’t. He merely tightened his hold on Sirius, trying his best to shield him from his brute of a father. Just having his arms around Sirius made him feel stronger; it was like he was absorbing strength from his lover just by touching him. 

“No. I’m afraid you might kill him! You... you nearly have! Nothing gives you the right to hit your own children!”

“Shut up.” Mr. Black’s face had gone an ugly shade of purple. “You’re just a stupid kid! What do you know about my rights? I won’t listen to what you think I can and can’t do!”

Remus stood his ground. “Leave him alone!”

“Remmie, stop it -” Sirius growled in his ear.

“No! I won’t! I love you, and I don’t want to see him hurting you!” Remus cried.

SMACK.

Remus gasped in pain as Mr. Black’s hand met his cheek; he staggered and would have fallen if Sirius hadn’t been holding him up. Almost immediately, Remus’ cheek turned numb and his eyes watered. He felt numb all over, actually. He had never thought Mr. Black would retaliate -

“Bastard,” Sirius growled. He gently pushed Remus away from him, striding towards his father with a steely glint in his eyes. “I’ll kill you for that. Don’t you dare ever lay a hand on Remus!”

“You couldn’t kill me,” Mr. Black sneered. He didn’t seem the least bit perturbed; on the other hand, he looked excited, pleased. Like he _wanted_ Sirius to put up a good fight. “You can’t do it. I’d kill you first.” 

He had a point; he was at least eight inches taller than Sirius and outweighed him by over a hundred pounds. He looked solidly built, his arms bulging with muscle. But Sirius didn’t blink an eye. “We’ll see who kills who in the end, then,” he said coolly, turning away from his father and tugging Remus from the room. 

He snagged his coat and cigarettes on the way out, but didn’t say a word until they reached Baker’s Sweet Shop. There, Sirius slumped against the wall of the building and sighed, lighting a cigarette. Remus cringed, expecting Sirius to blow up at him, but was totally amazed when his lover smiled at him.

“Thanks, Remmie.”

“W-what for?” Remus asked, biting his lip.

“Sticking up for me. You’re the first person who ever has, you know. My mother will step in, but only after I’m practically senseless. And Regulus doesn’t do anything at all. I don’t blame them. If they stop Da from hitting me, he’ll just hit them instead.” His smile had faded. He took a deep drag on the cigarette and shook his head. “But still - you shouldn’t have butted in - you’re lucky you just got off with a slap...”

“I’m fine,” Remus said, and it was true; his cheek was still smarting, but he ignored it. “I... I couldn’t stand to see him doing that to you...” his voice faltered. “I... I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt at all. My mother heard your mother was ill - she asked me to bring over some flowers, to cheer her up... no one answered the door, but it was unlocked, and I-”

“Shh.” Sirius dropped his cigarette and squished it. “It’s nothing. But now, we’ve got a bit of a problem.”

“Which is?”

“I can’t go home tonight. Can I stay with you?”

“Of course,” Remus murmured softly.

\---

It was no problem at all with Remus’ parents. They accepted Sirius’ excuse that he wanted to give his mother some peace and quiet without question. Sirius was an excellent guest, insisting to help Mrs. Lupin clear the table after supper, laughing at all of Mr. Lupin’s stories (which his own children had heard far too many times to find funny anymore), and even sitting with Serena and Remus as Remus helped his sister with her homework - though he wasn’t much help with it. 

“Ancient Saxon battles just aren’t my thing,” he admitted, sprawled out on the floor beside the coffee table where Remus and Serena were working. 

But it was with an uneasy feeling still in the pit of his stomach that Remus got into bed that night. Sirius was on the floor in a sleeping bag that had once belonged to Remus’ father, and he had taken off his shirt. His left side was still a sunset of bruises, all purple and red and green and yellow. Tears stung Remus’ eyes at the sight. It was no good. He’d have to ask... ask why Sirius never left his home, why he and his mother and brother just didn’t leave and get away from the torment of living with his father. Remus looked down at his lover and drew a deep breath. “Siri -”

He was interrupted as a knock sounded on his door and his mother poked her head in. “Good night, lads. If you’re going to stay up for a little while, keep it down, all right? I don’t want you to keep Serena up.”

“Yes, Mum,” Remus agreed, and she beamed at them and left, closing the door softly behind her. 

As soon as her footsteps faded downstairs, Sirius struggled out of the sleeping bag to join Remus in his bed. “What were you going to say?”

“I...” Remus leaned against his mate, and sighed. “I want to know why you never... never told me about your family.”

Sirius hugged him. “I’m sorry, love. I... I was ashamed, I suppose.” He slipped his arms around Remus’ waist and pulled him close. “I... didn’t want you to know. I thought... I thought you would be... disgusted. That you’d think it was sick that I’d let him do that to me, and never ask for help.” He had tears in his eyes.

It was the first time Remus had ever seen Sirius even close to crying. Startled, he squeezed Sirius’ hand. “Siri, I could never...”

“I don’t like it,” Sirius choked out. “I can’t... I can’t let you get involved. I’ve got to... if I want him to stop, I’ve got to handle it myself.”

“I know,” Remus murmured, stroking his lover’s long hair. “I know, my love.” He kissed Sirius gently. “But... if you ever need me... to just be here for you... for anything... I will be.”

“Thank you, Remmie,” Sirius whispered. He rested his head against Remus’ shoulder, letting the tears flow. Remus cradled him in his arms for a long time, comforting him, until they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

And that was how Mrs. Lupin found them in the morning, lying together in Remus’ bed, entangled in the blankets. 

\---

After Sirius and Remus had left the house, Orion Black slumped into a chair and poured himself a glass of whiskey. He ground his teeth angrily over the rim of his glass. Who did that punk think he was? Who was he, to threaten his own father? Worthless good-for-nothing... and the gall of that little brunette snob, trying to tell Orion what he should or shouldn’t be doing. He had a shrewd suspicion his son was already shagging that little rich kid, and the thought made him growl and take a sip of his whiskey. Kids like that had no respect for their elders, no idea at all how the real world worked. If one of his family members stepped out of line, it was Orion’s job, as head of the household, to put them in their place. 

He finished his drink and got up to pour himself another. His mind was racing, his insides boiling with anger. One thing was for certain - as soon as that brat set foot back in the house, he wouldn’t be able to leave it again for a month. Maybe even two months. Mr. Black smiled to himself. He would make sure of it. And if Walburga or Regulus tried to butt in, he would be more than happy to let them take some of the punishment, as well.

“Dammit!”

He wrenched his hand out of the liquor cabinet. His finger was bleeding; he had pricked it on something. He stuck his finger in his mouth and bent down to peer inside the cabinet. Something silvery glittered behind the bottles. Orion moved some of the bottles out of the way and pulled out the object. It was a knife.

And it was smeared with blood.

For a long time, Orion just stared at the blade in his hands. He stood, frowning. What was this doing here? How could a bloody knife have found its way into his home? In his liquor cabinet, no less?

A glimpse of an old paper lying on the table caught his eye as he stood contemplating this. The headline screamed up at him - _‘Another Teenage Boy Murdered! Police Fear Serial Killer!’_

A murder. A bloody knife... in the liquor cabinet? 

A truly evil smile spread across Orion’ face as he put two and two together. It had to be him. He killed those blokes, didn’t he? He hid the knife back behind the bottles and poured himself another drink. Finally, a way to rid himself of the son he so loathed. He raised the glass in silent celebration, and spoke one word.

“Sirius.”


	9. Trust and Betrayal

**Disclaimer:** For the disclaimer, warnings, etc., please see the first chapter.

~Black~

\---

Chapter 9 - Trust and Betrayal

\---

“Morning, all,” Remus yawned, as he and Sirius shuffled into the kitchen for breakfast, bleary-eyed and tousle-haired. They slumped into their seats, still too sleepy to complain as Mrs. Lupin set bowls of porridge in front of them.

“Morning, lads,” Mrs. Lupin said, eyeing them nervously and twisting her wedding band around and around. “Er - sleep well?”

“Very well,” Sirius smiled up at her, and she forced herself to smile back.

Hope Lupin turned back to the cooker, stirring the porridge as she stared straight ahead at the wall, lost in her own thoughts. She had walked in on Remus and Sirius that morning, intending to wake them up, but instead of finding everything as it had been the night before, Sirius had been in bed with Remus. It wasn’t too bad; both boys had been fully clothed, but there had been an all-too-obvious quality about the way they lay so comfortably in each other’s arms that made her suspect they were more than just friends.

She snuck a peek over her shoulder at the lads. They certainly weren’t acting suspicious; Remus was eating his porridge with his usual expression of distaste; Sirius was reading the _Daily Mail_. Hope bit her lip. Should she keep quiet, and leave well enough alone, or should she confront the boys? Or perhaps consult Lyall first? Like all mothers, she only wanted the very best for her children, and she genuinely liked Sirius... but still... another boy...

“Are you okay, Mum?” Remus was looking at her in some concern. He always had been able to tell when she was worried about something. She couldn’t really keep it from him... if she was wrong, they could all have a good laugh about it.

“Well... I...” She turned off the heat under the porridge and sat down at the table. Sirius was looking at her over the paper, one slender eyebrow raised in an expression of curiosity. Mrs. Lupin took a deep breath. “I -”

“Good morning,” her husband’s jovial voice called. Lyall came into the room, straightening his tie. Sirius silently folded up the paper and placed it at Mr. Lupin’s seat while Mr. Lupin poured his coffee. He pecked his wife on the cheek and smiled at his son and Sirius. “What’s wrong, Hope? You look pale.”

“Oh - I...” Hope wrung her hands helplessly. “It’s nothing.”

“Nothing?” Her husband’s mustache quirked slightly and he pushed his spectacles up on his nose. “Hope, dear, I can tell when you’re chewing something over in your mind. What is it?”

It was no use. Lyall knew her better than anyone else, and was better and more experienced at reading her emotions than Remus was. With a soft sigh, Mrs. Lupin summoned all her courage, wanting to put her question delicately, but the words came tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop them.

“Remus, Sirius, I have to ask you... what... what exactly... are your feelings toward each other?”

Both boys stared at her for a few moments, apparently taken by surprise. “Er - how do you mean, Mum?” Remus finally asked.

“I... I came to wake you up this morning and... and you were in bed together,” she whispered. Seeing the look on Lyall’s face, she added hastily, “They - they weren’t doing anything... they were only sleeping - and they were still dressed...”

There was a long pause. Remus’ cheeks were turning pink, Mr. Lupin was frozen with his spoon halfway to his mouth, but Sirius merely shrugged.

“The cat’s out of the bag, then. I’m sorry you had to find out this way, ma’am. We were going to tell you, but... we were... scared.”

Remus tried to look as if the story wasn’t new to him. “We thought you’d be angry... or hate us both...” He dropped his head quickly, trying to appear as if he was on the verge of tears. He felt guilty about lying - this was the second time he had told a major lie to his parents - but he had to.... he had never intended to tell his parents at all... not for fifty years, at least.

But his comment had struck a nerve. Mrs. Lupin got up and went around the table to hug her son, tears in her eyes. “Oh, Remus... I could never hate you... But I wish you’d been honest with us...”

“I’m sorry, Mama,” Remus murmured, hugging back.

Mr. Lupin finally put down his spoon and cleared his throat. “Er - boys... It’s not like I have any particular complaint with any of this - after all, it’s your decision - but don’t you think... it’s a little... unusual? I mean -”

“I know it’s sudden,” Sirius said softly. “And if I had my way I’d rather have told you first. But... I love Remus. I don’t care what other people really think - like you said, sir, it’s our decision - but I want you to know I’d never hurt your son, or force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do.” His voice was soothing, like butter on a burn, and Remus could tell his parents were relaxing visibly. Not for the first time, he was glad of Sirius’ excellent lying ability. He made it sound as if they had never even kissed - and all for the better. If his parents knew sex was involved... “I know how people can be. I swear, I’ll protect Remus from anyone who ever tries to hurt him.” Sirius continued.

Remus was touched, his heart swelling with love for the ebony-haired young man. The things he was saying... it was the sweetest thing Sirius had said to him since the first time he told Remus he loved him. He had never realized, never dared to think, that Sirius truly felt this way about him. He reached for his lover’s hand under the table and squeezed it gently, looking into Sirius’ eyes, this time with real tears glimmering in his own.

Mrs. Lupin smiled and kissed Remus. “If you’re happy, then I’m happy, lamb.”

“Mum!” Remus turned bright red and buried his face in his hands. Sirius and Mr. Lupin laughed, the tension in the air dissolving. Her heart suddenly lighter, Mrs. Lupin beamed at Sirius. If her son had to have a boyfriend, she supposed this sweet, well-mannered, courteous boy was the best choice. Better than some of the slutty, ill-mannered girls Remus could have brought home...

\---

“Thank you,” Remus said quietly, as he and Sirius were on their way back to Sirius’ house later that afternoon. “I always thought my parents would go mad at me the first time I ever brought someone home... but Mum loves you, I can tell. There’s not too many people she takes a shine to, at least not when they’re possible significant others for her children.” He smiled, looking up at Sirius. “And... for what you said. I... had no idea... no idea you felt like that. A-about me.” He stopped walking and put his arms around his mate. “I... I love you. And I want to protect you, too. Last night... your father... I felt like I could have taken him on...”

“No,” Sirius muttered, stroking his hair. “Remmie, no. You can’t do that. He’d... he was right. I’m not big enough to stand up to him for long... and you...”

“I know... I’m too small.” Remus sighed and rested his head against Sirius’ chest, breathing in the scent of tobacco clinging to him. “Believe me, I know. After all, I have two very tall older brothers who always teased me about my size.”

“Poor baby.” Sirius laughed softly and slung an arm around his lover’s shoulders, but it felt like an arrow of ice had pierced his heart. He didn’t deserve to be loved like this... Remus and his parents obviously thought Sirius was merely a very nice kid whose family just didn’t have a lot of money. Remus _did_ know the horrible truth about his family... but ... the murders. If any of the Lupins ever found out... ever... it would be over. And Sirius doubted Mr. and Mrs. Lupin would have to say much to get Remus to drop him - if Remus knew he was a murderer, he wouldn’t ever want to see Sirius again...

But that wouldn’t happen, Sirius resolved. He would keep the truth from Remus and his family at all costs. He couldn't bear the thought of losing him... if Remus ever left him, Sirius would kill himself. 

They reached the Blacks’ townhouse. Everything was silent, but both boys thought it best for Remus to head straight home. The brunette stood on tiptoes to kiss Sirius on the lips. “Good luck.” He looked worried sick.

Sirius kissed him back. “It’ll be okay, love. I can handle him, savvy? Promise.”

“O-okay,” Remus whispered, squeezing his hand. “I... I love you.”

“Love you too.” Sirius stood on the front steps and watched as his lover walked away. Before he turned the corner, Remus looked back, the worried expression on his face still evident. Sirius waved to him, trying to assure him that everything would be all right. His lover waved back timidly before rounding the corner.

Sirius wasn’t exactly eager to go inside yet; vague images of his father lying in wait for him like a lion on one of the nature programmes kept crossing his mind. Instead, he sat down on the steps and lit a cigarette. He closed his eyes.

“Sirius.”

He looked up. Regulus was standing at the foot of the steps, looking slightly concerned. It was the first time in a long time that Regulus had looked even remotely concerned about Sirius; they had been close as small children, but had somehow drifted apart over the years. It might have had something to do with Sirius dressing in black and wearing makeup; he was generally feared or detested by the neighbors, and so Regulus spent a lot of time denying that they were related. 

“Yeah?”

His younger brother sat down beside him, looking nervous. He fanned away the cigarette smoke that wafted into his face. “You’d better be careful,” he blurted out. “Da - he could _kill_ you. I think he will. Last night... after you left... he was in such a bad mood... Mum and I couldn’t even be in the same room with him. He spent the whole night drinking and chuckling to himself. It was really scary.”

Sirius snuffed out his fag. “Da’s always scary. You know that.”

“Yeah, but... it was worse than usual.... he’s not... not right...”

“Don’t worry about it.” Sirius stood, and ruffled his brother’s short, shaggy hair. “Is he home right now?”

“No, he left before I did.” Regulus got to his feet as well, and looked up at Sirius. “But still... you should be careful. I... don’t want you to get hurt.”

For Regulus, this was an uncommon break of character. His brother’s honest concern made Sirius feel worse; he didn’t deserve any of this. He was a killer... he deserved to die. But he wouldn’t die by his father’s hands. Never. 

\---

When Remus returned to school on Monday, he soon discovered how fast news traveled. A surprising amount of people had heard about his fight with O’Shea and the resulting visit from the police; it looked as if they were ready to condemn Remus and Sirius in their minds, no matter what the papers would say. The only people who didn’t avoid him were James, Lily, and Grace. But even still, it seemed like they approached him rather timidly. 

“Er... Remus?” Lily spoke up. “Is... is it true... the police and all?”

Remus sighed. “Well... I don’t know what you’ve heard. The simple truth is this - I got into a fight with O’Shea, he went and lied to the police - told them I was the one who killed Williams... tried to get Sirius in trouble as well. He was lying. Neither of us so much as touched either Williams or O’Shea, I swear.”

“We believe you, mate,” James said; but the three teenagers’ faces showed great relief for people who had believed in him all along. “It’s just that... you know how this stuff gets around. We wanted to know... you know, we wanted to hear it from you.”

“It’s okay,” his friend replied softly. “Sometimes you just need to hear things from... from the horse’s mouth.”

Lily hugged him. “But it would have been exciting to know a murderer!”

“You think everything bad is exciting,” James groaned. “Murderers, guys in makeup - what next?”

“Guys in makeup are ATTRACTIVE, James,” Lily grumbled.

“She’s right, you know,” Grace informed James.

“No, she’s not! Remus, back me up on this!”

“You’re on your own, Jim,” Remus sniggered. “I’m not stupid enough to get between two girls who think they’re right.”

\---

Sirius was sprawled on his bed, reading a magazine and smoking a cigarette, his favorite drink of Coke and vodka by his left hand. He was skipping supper that night - not that anyone cared. His mother was eager to avoid any confrontations at the table, and his father... well, his father wasn’t exactly happy with him. Sirius was so thin it really wasn’t that wise for him to be skipping meals, but he really wasn’t hungry. 

He took another sip of Coke and vodka. He had been avoiding the rest of the family since he returned home, not wanting to attract any attention to himself. He had narrowly escaped trouble with his father while mixing his drink; Mr. Black had returned home just as Sirius put the vodka he had nicked from the liquor cabinet back in its proper place. Thankfully, his father had noticed nothing amiss, but even so, the way he had been acting was very odd, just as Regulus had mentioned. 

He flipped idly through his magazine, not really seeing any of the articles or pictures, his mind racing. He couldn’t banish his guilty feelings. He wondered dully if it would just be easier to turn himself in and end it all. No! He wouldn’t. He wasn’t going to give it up... wasn’t going to give _Remus_ up... if it wasn’t necessary. He was probably overreacting - the police didn’t have a clue, they couldn’t possibly know he was the one who killed Williams and O’Shea. If they knew anything, no matter how slight, they wouldn’t have been as easy on him as they had.

Sirius sighed and tossed his magazine to the floor, finishing off his drink. He stubbed out his cigarette and stripped, then switched off the light and stretched out naked on the bed. He closed his eyes, lying perfectly still for a long time, well past midnight. He had a headache from going over and over the same thoughts without pause, and the vodka seemed to have made it worse than better. Heaving a sigh, he got out of bed, pulled on his jeans, and tiptoed downstairs for some aspirin. 

He had thought everyone else was in bed, but the bluish-white flicker of the telly could be seen in the hall. The sound was on faintly, and Sirius assumed his father had fallen asleep on the sofa. He peeked into the living room. 

His father was lying on the couch, his back to the door. He had a large drink in one hand, and empty bottles were lined up neatly on the floor. With a twinge of unease, Sirius realized his father’s drinking had begun to escalate over the past few days. He swallowed. Regulus’ suspicions seemed to be more on the level than Sirius had first thought. There really wasn’t something right with their father. 

Careful not to make any noise, Sirius tiptoed into the bathroom and took three aspirin. On his way back upstairs, he peered into the living room again. What he saw made him freeze, and made his blood run cold.

Mr. Black had a knife. It was stained with blood, and he was holding it with a handkerchief wrapped around the handle, as if it was germy and he didn’t want to touch it. He was smiling, turning the knife slowly, watching it gleam in the light from the telly. 

It couldn’t be. It _couldn’t_ be! Sirius nearly stopped breathing. Had that been... had that been the knife he had used to kill O’Shea? Williams, too? What was his father doing with it? Where had he found it? Sirius couldn’t remember what he had done with it after coming home the night of his encounter with O’Shea. It was a huge blank in his mind, just like the murder itself. He closed his door quietly behind him and collapsed on his bed. It was too much to hope that his father hadn’t figured out what he had done. Would his father keep quiet? Of course not; he hated Sirius, and would gladly take any chance to rid himself of his eldest son. The only question was, how long would it be before he went to the police?

Putting his arm over his eyes, Sirius sighed heavily. He had absolutely no choice. The idea made him cringe, but he had to tell Remus _everything_. Everything... what he had done. He couldn’t let the police be the ones to break the news to his lover, or for Remus to hear about it from the school gossip pool. Then, if Remus still wanted him, they’d flee the country. Go someplace where absolutely no one knew them... just to keep the authorities off their backs. 

No, that wouldn’t work. Even if they changed their names, there was too great a chance that someone would figure out what was going on. There was only one thing that could be done... he’d have to make sure that his father never said a word. 

\---

Remus was leaning against a tree in the park, eyes closed and his face tilted up to the sun. It had been getting a lot warmer lately. He was waiting for Sirius, who had phoned him that morning and asked to meet him in the park. There had been a strange, deadened quality in Sirius’ voice when he phoned that had made Remus both nervous and wildly curious; what did Sirius want to talk about?

“Hey, Remmie.” 

He opened his eyes. Sirius was there, looking glum. His hair was hanging in his eyes, and his lipstick and eyeliner only served to emphasize the paleness of his skin. He also looked as if he hadn’t gotten much sleep. He raised a hand to his lips, taking a drag on a cigarette, and Remus noticed his black nail polish was chipped. 

“Siri? What’s wrong? You look... you look like hell,” Remus said softly.

Sirius sighed, staring at the ground. “I need you to come home with me. We really need to talk.”

Remus felt as if his heart had leapt into his throat. He took his lover’s hand. “Siri - what -?” This could mean nothing good, especially with Sirius looking the way he did. He wouldn’t even look up, only turned and pulled Remus from the park. He was totally silent all the way back to his house, though Remus tried several times to get him to speak. But he remained quiet until they were in his bedroom, the door shut.

Finally looking up at Remus, Sirius felt his heart give a nervous jump in his chest. He had made sure everyone was gone before bringing Remus here; he really didn’t know where else he could have broken this news to him. His bedroom was the only place they could talk without fear of being overheard. But it was so hard to get the words to come, especially when looking into Remus’ worried, concerned gaze, sitting here on the bed where they had first made love. But it had to be said.

“I did it, Remmie,” he whispered. Tears spilled down his cheeks, unbidden; Sirius made no attempt to stem the flow. He only gripped Remus’ hand harder. “I did it, Remmie. I killed them.”

Remus blinked, unable to believe his ears. “W-what? Siri, what are you talking about?”

“Williams,” Sirius whispered, making Remus’ heart stop dead in his chest. “O’Shea. I did it, Remmie. I killed them.”

It was as if the entire world had stopped moving. Sirius continued to cry, his shoulders shaking helplessly, as Remus sat, dumbfounded and unable to say a word, his mind trying to comprehend what had just been said. Sirius couldn’t possibly be lying; his tears drove any thought of fabrication from Remus’ mind. And why would Sirius say he had killed them if he hadn’t done it?

“Why?” Remus whispered, his lips numb. “Why, Siri?”

“For you,” Sirius choked out. “For you, Remmie. When I saw how they treated you... what they wanted to do to you... I couldn’t... I couldn’t help myself. I murdered them both. Stabbed them. Must have moved their bodies, as well, though I don’t remember doing it - I don’t remember anything. I know I killed them, but I can’t remember doing it.” He looked up, his face shining with tears. “I - I think I’m going mad. I’m so scared, Remmie... I think I’m losing my mind.”

The horror that had come over him at Sirius’ confession couldn’t compete with the sorrow and pity Remus felt for his lover. He pulled Sirius into his arms, stroking the long hair and letting the other boy weep on his shoulder. It was the very worst Remus had ever felt. Though he was shocked and in disbelief over what Sirius had done, he couldn’t help feeling sorry for him as well. At the same time, he was scared witless; what were they going to do? And some very small, very secret part of him was pleased. Pleased that Sirius loved him so fiercely and so deeply that he would actually _kill_ for him. He pushed that thought away and hugged Sirius tighter, trying to comfort him. It was a long, long time before Sirius finally got himself under control.

“I... I love you so much, Remmie,” he sniffled, gently disengaging himself from his lover’s embrace. “But if you... if you want to leave me... I won’t stop you. You must hate me for this. You can’t love a murderer... I won’t even ask you to try. I - I don’t deserve it. Even if you leave... turn me in... I’ll never stop loving you. I did everything for - for you, my love.” Sirius started to turn away.

Remus grabbed him before he could get up, pulling him close. “No, Siri, no - I won’t - I love you, I couldn’t -” He stopped, swallowed hard, and kissed Sirius firmly on the lips. “Listen to me - I... I won’t tell anyone about this. It’s our secret.” 

“Remmie -”

“Shh,” Remus hissed. “We won’t say _anything_. Not one word. The police don’t know anything. They can’t possibly convict either of us. If we keep quiet, that is.”

“No - it won’t work -” Sirius whispered, as Remus pressed closer to him. “He - he knows. My father knows.”

Remus kissed him again, breathless, as Sirius lowered his head and nuzzled his neck. “It doesn’t matter - it doesn’t matter,” he gasped, lying back on the pillows and pulling Sirius down on top of him. That secret, pleased feeling was still working within him, making him feel nearly desperate with desire.

Sirius gazed down at him, his eyes shining with a strange mixture of lust and fear. “It does - he could go to the police any day now -”

“He won’t,” Remus said softly as Sirius undressed them both. “It’ll be okay.”

“How do you know?” Sirius panted, placing kisses along Remus’ collarbone. “You don’t know how much he hates me - any reason to get rid of me - he’ll do it, I know he will -”

Remus groaned loudly as Sirius moved inside him, closing his eyes. When he spoke, his voice was low, breathless, somehow animalistic. 

“Kill him,” he growled in Sirius’ ear, his fingers tangled in his lover’s sweaty hair. “Kill him, my love. Make him pay for what he’s done to you.”

“Yes,” Sirius moaned, his focus narrowing down to nothing but the writhing brunette under him and the glorious pleasure. He was barely aware of what he was agreeing to, only that Remus had given voice to the decision Sirius had made the night before - the only way to stop his father telling anyone would be to kill him. “Yes,” he breathed again, as Remus cried out loudly. He nipped his lover’s earlobe. “Yes, Remmie,” he breathed. “I’ll kill him. I’ll make him regret ever lying a finger on me... on any of us... on you...”

\---

Afterwards, they lay silently side-by-side, a warm breeze coming through the open window and drying the sweat on their bare bodies. Sirius kept chewing over Remus’ proposal in his mind. It was the only thing he could do to keep himself safe - he knew Remus would never betray his secret. If his father was out of the way, it would be all right. No one would ever have to know who the murderer was. The beatings would stop, as well.

He looked down at Remus, who was starting to drift off to sleep. But whatever happened, he vowed, he wouldn’t let Remus be a part of it. He wouldn’t stain the innocence of his lover by committing a murder right in front of him. Remus wouldn’t need to know how it was done, or when. The less he knew, the better. 

He closed his eyes and pushed his thoughts away. He was exhausted, especially after getting no sleep the night before. But he hadn’t even begun to feel drowsy when his bedroom door flew open, hitting the wall and rebounding with such force that it almost closed all over again. 

Mr. Black was standing in the doorway. He kicked the door as it swung back at him, sending it crashing back into the wall. Remus jerked awake and cried out in fear, sitting up quickly. Sirius moved in between his lover and his father as Remus hastily pulled the sheets up to cover himself. Mr. Black was unsteady on his feet; his huge face was ruddy and the smell of alcohol was coming off him in waves. He must have been drinking in earnest someplace; Sirius swallowed hard and tried to hide his fear as he pulled on his jeans, never taking his eyes off his father for a second.

“I’ve got you now, you murdering little bastard,” Mr. Black said. He raised his fists and began to advance on Sirius.


	10. Father and Son

Disclaimer: For the disclaimer, warnings, etc., please see the first chapter.

~Black~

\---

Chapter 10 - Father and Son

\---

Sirius stood his ground, his eyes narrowed to slits as his father approached him. Remus bit his lip, hard, terrified. He expected the hitting to begin any second now, but Mr. Black stopped less than a foot away from Sirius. He cracked his knuckles and smirked. “Did you really think you’d get away with it? You’ve been killing off those blokes! I found your knife! I know you’re guilty!”

“Been doing a bit of snooping, have you?” Sirius said coolly. “Haven’t you got anything better to do? Like - drinking, perhaps?”

“Shut up,” Mr. Black snarled.

“Come on, Da. You’re turning into a drunk. You’ve been drinking worse than ever this week. Losing control of it, aren’t you? It’s really disgusting. But then - I suppose you need the courage, right? I’ve started standing up to you. Once Mum and Regulus decide to do the same, you won’t be such a big man, will you? You might have to start throwing back a few before you can start hurting us, am I right?” Sirius continued recklessly. He was seeing red. Fresh rage swept over him as he remembered his father hitting Remus. He loathed this man, hated him with every part of his heart and soul and mind. It was going to end now, one way or another.

“I don’t need _anything_ to take care of you,” Mr. Black growled. He began to roll up his sleeves. “Mark my words, boy - after I’m done with you, you’ll be lucky to leave this room, let alone this house.” He bared his teeth in an insane grin. “I’m going to make you wish you’d never been born.”

“Really?” Sirius said softly. Remus moaned and grabbed his lover’s arm, trying to get him to shut up. Anything Sirius had to say was just going to make his father angrier, and Mr. Black was scary enough already. One wrong word, and it was likely neither Remus nor Sirius would leave the room alive.

Mr. Black glared. “Look at you - why did you kill them, eh? Why? There’s no reason for it. Are you going to try and tell me it’s _my_ fault, that you went out and killed them just because I hit you? Like the shite those new-age hippie whiners keep going on about?”

“No,” said Sirius. “And it’s really none of your business why I do anything.”

“No. It’s the police’s business, isn’t it?” his father smirked.

“Go call them, then,” Sirius said mildly. “You haven’t got any proof.”

“Haven’t I?” Mr. Black reached into his pocket and pulled something out. He turned and threw it, where it stuck, quivering, in the wall over the bed. Remus gasped - it was a bloody knife. He shrank away, scrambling off the bed and backing up into a corner, keeping the sheet wrapped firmly around his slender body. Mr. Black and Sirius ignored him. 

“So you found a knife,” Sirius said. “Congratulations. Where’s the proof that it’s mine?”

Mr. Black chuckled. “Come off it, laddie. Why else would there be a bloody knife in the house? In my liquor cabinet, no less?”

“Regulus could have put it there.” Sirius said calmly. “Or Mum. Or even you, Da.” He looked closely at his father. “You really don’t know what you’re doing anymore, do you? The drinking’s been getting out of hand lately, hasn’t it? Is it really bad?” Sirius’ mouth stretched into a grim, gruesome smile. “Having hallucinations, Da? Paranoid delusions? Thinking up all sorts of ways to get rid of me, before I kill you, too?”

“Shut your mouth!” Mr. Black shouted. 

“How d’you know it isn’t all your imagination? How d’you know you aren’t just imagining that knife? You might be going crazy!” Sirius shouted back. He looked quite as insane as his father, that mad grin on his face, spittle flying from his lips. “What else are you seeing, Da? Little green men? Bugs in the corners? How d’you know you aren’t -”

WHACK.

With a roar of rage, Mr. Black hit Sirius across the face with all the strength he could muster, which was quite a lot. Sirius staggered, his cheek going instantly numb. He caught hold of the wardrobe door and managed to keep himself from falling, but it was a near thing. He shook his hair out of his eyes, growling. His father came towards him again, ready to go, but before he could do anything, Remus threw himself between the two.

“Stop it!” he cried, tears welling in his eyes. “Just stop it! Please, don’t hit him!”

With a bellow, Mr. Black picked Remus up, as if he weighed absolutely nothing, and threw him. Remus hit the wall and screamed in pain, squeezing his eyes shut. It was the worst pain he had ever experienced; the world faded in and out as he lay still, entwined in the sheet, gasping for breath. Dimly, he heard another shout of anger - whether it was Sirius or his father, he couldn’t tell. He moaned, unable to make any louder noise. 

“You bastard!” Sirius screamed, charging at his father. His father stepped back, taken by surprise, and didn’t put up his hands in time. Sirius’ knuckles collided with his father’s chin, and his other fist drove itself deep into Orion’s stomach. All the air rushed out of his mouth, the tall man making an odd whoofing noise. But even having the wind knocked out of him didn’t stop him - bent over double, Mr. Black used the opportunity to butt Sirius in the stomach with his head, knocking his son over.

For a moment, no one moved; Remus still lay on the floor, struggling to take a deep breath; both Sirius and his father were getting their wind back. They glared at each other; each seemed to be silently daring the other to take another chance. Remus watched them apprehensively. Finally, Mr. Black spoke. 

“Give it up, boy. You’re a bloody murderer! Once I go to the police, it’s all over for you.”

“I told you never to lay a hand on Remus again,” Sirius growled, ignoring his father’s comment.

“You can’t tell me what to do. If I want to hit him, I will.” Mr. Black’s eyes flickered over to Remus, who had managed to sit up and was clutching the sheet to his chest. “I knew you two were having sex. I suppose we could call this the evidence, eh? You lied to me when I asked you about him.”

“So what?” Sirius snarled. His father’s eyes flashed, and he slapped Sirius again.

“Respect. I thought your mother and I had done a good job teaching you boys about that. But apparently I was wrong. Maybe you need a refresher course.”

Sirius turned his head slightly to the side and spit blood to the floor. “You’ve been wrong about a lot of things. Big of you to finally admit it. What are you going to do when you turn me in, Da? When I show them all these bruises and tell them what you’ve been doing to me and Mum and Regulus? They’ll lock you up with me.”

His father grinned. “Well, then. I guess I’ll just have to persuade you to shut up, won’t I?”

“Come and get me. I’m ready,” Sirius said softly.

Mr. Black’s grin only widened. “Oh no. Not you.”

He turned toward Remus and crossed the room in two long strides; before he even realized what was happening, Remus found himself suspended in mid- air. Mr. Black was holding him up by the arm. Remus struggled, trying to get loose and kick him at the same time. “Now, now, lad, that isn’t nice,” Mr. Black said mildly, and punched Remus in the ribs.

“Ah -” Remus’ eyes widened and he clutched at his side; the pain was so overwhelming that he couldn’t make a sound. Sirius bellowed and lunged, catching his father around the waist and trying to punch him. Mr. Black whirled around, yelling something at the top of his lungs. Remus tried again to free himself. He almost made it, but Sirius’ father, intent on keeping a hold on him with one hand while trying to hit Sirius with the other, bent his arm backward. There was a sickening crack and blinding pain; Remus shrieked.

“Remmie!” Sirius caught him as Mr. Black released him, startled; Remus moaned against his lover’s chest. His arm was on fire; he was pretty sure it was broken. Somehow, despite his own injuries, Sirius lugged him over to the bed and dumped him on it. “Remmie! Remmie, are you okay? My God, your arm -”

“Siri -” Remus tried to say, but Sirius was already straightening up, rushing at his father with a steely, determined glint in his eyes.

“BASTARD! I’ll make you pay for this - I told you not to hurt him, you sick, stinking drunk -”

“You can’t talk to me that way, laddie!” Mr. Black bellowed. He caught Sirius as his son came within reach. Furious, he began hitting Sirius over and over again. Sirius fought back, clawing and spitting like an angry cat, likewise hitting his father with his free hand. One of Orion’s fists made contact with his son’s ribs, and there was a loud cracking sound and a howl of agony from Sirius. 

Remus clutched at his broken arm, dazed; he was in so much pain by now that he could barely even see straight. He could tell, however, that Sirius and his father were fighting again; there was blood running in streams down his lover’s face. The beautiful grey eyes he loved so much were wide with anger, the normally sleek black hair mussed and falling in Sirius’ eyes in sweaty clumps. 

Mr. Black was just as disheveled. He, too, was bloody; his knuckles were raw, and blood which Remus suspected to be mostly Sirius’ was spattered across his shirt. He twisted Sirius around and hit him squarely in the jaw. More blood flew, and Remus screamed. He looked wildly around for something, anything - something heavy to hit Mr. Black with and knock him unconscious, to stop him -

He seized the only thing within reach - the knife. He wrenched it out of the wall and threw himself forward with a shout. Mr. Black didn’t even turn around, though Sirius yelled something and tried to look over his shoulder. Mr. Black punched his son in the eye, not paying the slightest attention. 

“Let him go!” Remus screamed. “Let him go, stop hurting him - God help me, I’ll kill you if you don’t - LET HIM GO!”

“Shut up!” Mr. Black roared without turning around. Sirius’ struggles were growing weaker and weaker; despite his amazing endurance, his father’s beating was beginning to wear him down. Remus shut his eyes, feeling tears flowing down his cheeks. _”Please forgive me, God,”_ he prayed, before raising the knife and bringing it down in the small of Mr. Black’s back.

Orion’s eyes widened; he coughed, gagged, and then vomited an amazing glut of blood and bile. Sirius pulled away as his father let him go, managing to avoid the worst of the splatter. He ran to Remus’ side and pulled him away from Mr. Black, who was still making odd noises and grabbing at his back, as if he wanted to pull the knife out. Then, with a groan, he slumped forward and fell to the floor, the room quaking under his weight.

Stunned, Remus and Sirius stared at his unconscious form for a few seconds before they remembered what was going on. Sirius struggled to his feet, helping Remus to do the same. Already livid bruises were rising all over his body; Remus knew he could look no better. He let Sirius help him into his jeans.

“Siri -”

“Shh.” Sirius’ voice was thick. He turned his head and spat out more blood. “Don’t talk. We need... hospital. We’ve got to get to the phone.”

“I... I can’t -”

“You’ve got to. I’ll help you.” Sirius put an arm around Remus’ waist, and Remus looped his good arm around his lover’s neck. They limped slowly towards the door, skirting their way around Mr. Black. It took them a long time to get downstairs, and the stairs themselves were very difficult to manage. Twice they almost fell, jarring Remus’ broken arm. He clenched his teeth, but couldn’t stop a whimper from escaping. 

“Sorry,” Sirius panted, shaking his hair back. “Let’s... go... you’re doing good, love...” He gagged and spit out more blood.

Once they reached the kitchen, Sirius helped Remus into a chair, then slumped against the wall, clutching at his ribs. One hand reached out to fumble the phone off the wall. He clumsily dialed the number for the police. Remus closed his eyes.

“Yes... we’re both hurt... my father’s dead... we need help,” Sirius panted into the phone. “Hurry, please -” he gave his address to the person on the phone, then hung up. He sunk slowly to the floor, then crawled over to Remus. “They’re coming, Remmie... it’ll be okay now.” He rested his head on Remus’ knee. “It’ll be okay,” he repeated softly.

Remus opened his eyes wearily, reaching down with his good hand to brush his lover’s hair away from his sweaty, bloody face. He wanted to say something, anything - but a crash made him look up in fear, his eyes widening at what he saw. He screamed, and Sirius whirled around.

Mr. Black was standing in the doorway, his teeth bared. Blood had soaked through his shirt and was running in streams from the corners of his mouth; it splattered the linoleum floor in a gristly rain. Remus couldn’t believe the man was even still alive, but there he was, glaring at them. It was amazing to try and imagine the excruciating pain he must have been experiencing, but even so, he managed to lurch unsteadily across the kitchen, his eyes fixed on Sirius.

“Bastard,” he wheezed. “Show - you -”

There was a bloodcurdling scream from behind him. Mrs. Black, wearing her coat and hat, was standing there, Regulus behind her, still carrying an armload of books. It looked as if they had just gotten home. They stood stock still in horror, Mr. Black turning to look at his wife. The knife was still protruding from his lower back. Remus felt very sick indeed, but he couldn’t hold a candle to Mrs. Black, who was an awful shade of greenish-white. Her terrified eyes flickered from her bloody husband to her son and his lover, who looked like they had been beaten within an inch of their lives. At the same time, the faint wail of sirens drifted to their ears. The police were on their way, but Remus wasn’t relieved. Anything could happen before they got there.

“What - I - what happ- oh -” Mrs. Black’s legs were shaking.

“Shut up, Walburga,” her husband slurred through a mouthful of blood. “I -”

But he never finished. His eyes rolled back in his head, and he collapsed, shaking the whole house. Mrs. Black fainted. Regulus caught her before she hit the floor, his eyes the size of saucers. “What - what’s going on here?”

Neither Sirius nor Remus responded. Outside, the sirens came to an abrupt halt, and footsteps sounded as a group of several police officers, headed by Mustache and Sideburns, dashed inside. Their eyes grew huge as they surveyed the scene. Mustache looked from Mr. Black’s body to Sirius and Remus. Sirius had slumped against Remus’ knee, unconscious. Remus himself was finding it hard to stay focused. Black roses kept blooming before his eyes. He shook his head irritably to try and clear it.

“Holy - are you all right, lad?” Mustache was kneeling beside him, looking anxiously into his face. Sideburns had dropped to the floor as well, and was holding Sirius’ wrist, feeling for a pulse. More police officers, along with the paramedics, were arriving; some were trying to bring Mrs. Black around, others were beginning to question Regulus. Remus struggled to say something.

“Sirius’ dad - Mr. Black - he tried... he tried to...” but he couldn’t finish. He closed his eyes and surrendered to the encroaching darkness.

\---

Both boys were a long time recovering from the events of that afternoon. Sirius’ ribs had been broken and he had suffered minor internal bleeding as well as two black eyes and bruises all over his body; he had lost one of his back teeth from one of his father’s punches to his jaw. Remus’ arm was broken in two places and would have to be in a cast for seven months; he was also badly bruised. However, the blow from Sirius’ father had been lucky; it had only bruised his ribs rather than broken them. Remus and Sirius were in the hospital for several weeks. Visitors poured in - Remus’ parents and siblings, Mrs. Black and Regulus, James, Lily, and Grace. The room the boys shared blossomed with all manner of plants and flowers, and friends sent heaps of sweets.

Once they were discharged from the hospital, they had to appear at court. They were far too tired to care that they were being tried for Orion Black’s murder. They gave testimony on a hot, stuffy summer day to a courtroom packed with spectators, still bandaged, their bruises in different degrees of fading. They told the honest truth - that Mr. Black had kept beating them until Remus had managed to stab him. However, they didn’t say where the knife had come from, and when asked by the persecution, merely shrugged and said they didn’t know; Sirius’ father must have brought it up with him. More witnesses, such as Orion’s co-workers and friends, unknowingly supported the boys when they testified that Mr. Black had begun drinking heavily in the days before the attack, and drink turned him into a very violent person. 

The jury concluded after Sirius and Remus’ testimony, and after seeing what had happened to them, that what they had done was purely self-defense. Neither boy mentioned either Williams, O’Shea, or Mr. Black’s suspicions. Both would take the secret of the murders to the grave.

Later that week, the police dismissed both Williams’ and O’Shea’s deaths as a result of misadventure, operating on the lack of any concrete evidence or probable suspects.

\---

“You must be tired, lovey,” Mrs. Lupin said, helping her son down the courthouse steps and into the car. Remus nodded. He was, in fact, utterly exhausted, and his arm was aching quite a bit. He wanted nothing better than to get home, take a pain-pill and go to bed. He raised his eyes to where his father was talking with Mrs. Black. Sirius was standing beside his mother, looking glum, a cigarette in the corner of his mouth. He looked up, saw Remus watching him, and went over to talk to him.

“Okay, love?”

“Yes,” Remus said softly. He reached out to touch Sirius’ cheek. “Are you?”

“About as okay as I can be after something like this.” Sirius sighed as his mother joined them. 

“Are you all right, Remus?” Concern was etched on her face. Remus tried his best to smile for her. 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

She pulled a hanky from her purse and dabbed at her eyes with it, and leaned down. “Thank you,” she whispered, before straightening up and saying good-bye to the Lupins. Sirius stuck his head in the window to brush a kiss across Remus’ lips; then he turned to follow his mother. Remus watched as they joined Regulus and climbed into a cab. He had a feeling that Mrs. Black had been thanking him for a lot more than she realized. He hoped she’d be much happier now, with her brute of a husband no longer around to hurt her or her sons.

\---

A week after the trial, the Blacks were invited to dinner at the Lupins’. Remus smiled as he watched his lover come up the walk. Sirius’ bruises were almost gone, and the doctors had told him they would be taking the bandages off his ribs in a few days. He looked much happier, and was smiling when he entered the parlor, shaking Mr. Lupin’s hand and kissing Mrs. Lupin on the cheek. Then Sirius joined Remus across the room, where his lover was seated in an enormous armchair. He and Remus kissed.

“Missed you,” Sirius whispered.

“I missed you too,” Remus whispered back.

“How’s the old arm?”

“Hurts. Like hell. But I can manage.”

Sirius smiled. “Thanks,” he murmured. “You were - so brave that day. If you hadn’t done what you did, I probably wouldn’t be standing here right now.” He held out a hand and helped Remus to his feet.

“You’re very welcome, darling,” Remus whispered, squeezing Sirius’ hand as they followed everyone into the dining room.

Over dessert, Mrs. Black surprised them all by mentioning that she was thinking of returning to Germany. “My whole family is there,” she said. “There’s no one here in England we have to worry about, with my husband gone - I want to return home.”

Remus’ stomach plummeted; Sirius would be leaving him? “You can’t go,” he blurted out, forgetting his manners. 

Mrs. Black smiled at him. “There’s nothing here for me, Remus. I see no point in staying. However -” she cleared her throat and took a sip of water, her eyes meeting her elder son’s over the rim of her glass - “Sirius will be staying, I believe.”

“Siri -” Remus looked at his lover, who was blushing. 

“Yeah,” he said softly. “I’m staying. When my uncle Alphard heard what happened, and what Mum wanted to do, and how I felt, he sent me a lot of money. Enough to get my own place, at least, with some left over. So, I...” he felt uncharacteristically nervous, especially with everyone staring at him. “I just wondered if... you’d like to come live with me.”

Remus blinked in surprise, looking quickly at his mother and father. They didn’t look opposed to the idea; in fact, they were smiling. Mrs. Black was, as well. Remus couldn’t help but smile himself as Sirius came around the table and put his arms around him. “Yes, Siri,” he murmured. “Yes, I’ll come live with you.”

The room broke out into applause and laughter as the two boys kissed.


	11. Guilt

**Disclaimer:** For the disclaimer, warnings, etc., please see the first chapter.

~Black~

\---

Chapter 11 - Guilt

\---

“I’m exhausted.” Sirius flopped down on the big double bed with a sigh, tossing his hair back. Remus dropped down beside him, likewise tired; the entire day had been devoted to moving into their new home. However, for all the work they had done, the house still seemed hopeless. Stacks of boxes loomed around every corner; supper had been Chinese take-away eaten off plastic plates; and their bed was little more than a mattress on the floor, with the alarm clock sitting all by its lonely self on an upturned box.

“We’ll get it sorted out soon, love,” Remus tried to reassure his lover, which wasn’t quite effective, seeing as he himself thought they’d still be living out of boxes by the end of the summer. 

“Hope so.” Sirius lit a cigarette and closed his eyes. Remus heaved himself to his feet to open the windows; the house they had bought had been shut up for three years, and it smelled musty. Plus, it was hot inside. He leaned out the window and took a deep breath as a cool breeze brushed his cheeks. 

“Feels good,” Sirius murmured from behind him, spread-eagled on the mattress. He took a drag on his cigarette. “Come to bed.”

“In a minute,” Remus replied absently, leaning on the sill and looking up at the stars glimmering in the velvety purple sky. “It’s so nice out.” He wondered if there really was a Heaven up there, beyond all those stars. And if there was, was Sirius’ father there? Most likely not; but Remus wasn’t sure if the typical guidelines applied to murder victims. And no matter what the juries said, no matter how the judge ruled, it was just what he had done, hadn't he? He had murdered someone. True, said someone was a vicious brute who had been beating both Remus and Sirius, probably intending to kill them, but it was all the same.

Sirius seemed to be thinking along the same lines, because he murmured, “Wonder where Da ended up.” 

Remus jumped; he had been lost in his thoughts, and Sirius thinking the same thing at the same time creeped him out. “Beg pardon?”

His lover held a hand out to him. Remus joined him on the bed, letting Sirius slip his arm around his waist and draw him close. “Da. That’s what you’re thinking about, isn’t it?”

“Y-yeah.” It was pointless to lie.

Sirius sighed deeply, burrowing his head against Remus’ neck. He placed a ticklish, wet kiss below his lover’s ear. “Don’t know what you’re so fussed about, darling,” he murmured, his breath hot against Remus’ skin. Remus sighed as well, his fingers winding their way through Sirius’ long, silky hair. Sirius kissed his shoulder. “You did what you had to do to save yourself - and me. There’s no one in the world who would hold it against you. If my mother and brother and I don’t blame you, you shouldn’t blame yourself.” His voice grew bitter. “I’m the one who’s in trouble, aren’t I? I’m the _real_ murderer here.”

Remus stroked his hair. “You did it for me,” he whispered.

“It was the best reason in the world,” Sirius muttered. “For you... I’d do anything. _Anything_.” He closed his eyes. “But no one else would see it that way. They’d rather those bastards lived and - took you - hurt you... _raped_ you, instead of having them...you know...” he stopped, breathing in the warm scent of Remus’ skin. Tears threatened, and he tightened his hold on his lover. 

“Siri... you can’t keep dwelling on it... not like this,” Remus murmured.

“But I killed them.” Sirius sounded close to tears.

“You did it for me,” Remus whispered. “If you hadn’t protected me... I’m sure Williams would have just kept coming after me... pushing and pushing... until he - until he finally had his way with me... or killed me trying to - t-to get what he wanted.” Tears welled up in his eyes. He kissed Sirius on the lips. “And his friends... would have helped him. I would have been...”

He didn’t finish, but anger flared up inside Sirius. The thought of Remus at the mercy of those brutes, being raped, having his innocence torn away, forced to do what they wanted, made him feel both furious and ill at the same time. No one in the world deserved to touch his sweet, beautiful lover - even Sirius felt at times that he wasn’t worthy of being loved by such a wonderful, pure person. He rubbed Remus’ back. “If they ever dared...” he hissed. “Bastards... if they ever _dared_ to - to _violate_ you like that... I would have tortured them.” 

“I know,” Remus said softly. If anyone had ever tried to lay a hand on him... well, look what had happened to Sirius’ father. It was Remus who had delivered the final blow, but Sirius had been doing well fighting back; though it was unfair to pair someone as slight as Sirius against someone as enormous and muscular as his father. But Sirius had gone nearly insane with rage when his father touched Remus... if Williams had ever done anything more than he had, Remus was sure Sirius would have made him suffer as much as possible. 

“I hated them,” Sirius growled. “But I... never intended to kill them. It... hadn’t gotten that far. I just wanted to scare them away from you...” he squeezed his eyes shut, a tear trickling down his cheek. “But it all... went so strangely... I felt like I wasn’t a part of myself, just a spectator seeing things through a heavy fog... I can’t remember anything. I can remember the before and the after, but everything in between is... just a blank. I...” he swallowed. “Remmie, do you think... Am I... losing my mind?”

“No,” Remus whispered. “No, my darling. I’m not a psychiatrist, but I don’t think you’re crazy. You... only wanted to protect me.”

“I’m a murderer,” Sirius began to weep. “I killed them! I shouldn’t be here - I should be dead too - you don’t... how can you even look at me?” He pulled himself from Remus’ arms. Tears glistened on his cheeks, and there was anger mixed with the sadness on his face. “How can you do it, Remmie? How can you hold me, kiss me, love me? How can you stand being in bed with me, letting me make love to you? Why don’t you hate me?” He was nearly shouting by now. “Why don’t you hate me for being... being here? For getting you mixed up in it all? If it weren’t for me, you’d never have been hurt - never...” his voice faltered as he gazed down at Remus’ arm, the white plaster of the cast seeming to glow in the dim light of the room. “It’s... it’s not like you’re safe with me... you could have been killed! And now you’re... you’re stuck with it, shagging a murderer...” He dissolved into helpless sobs, turning away from Remus in shame.

“No...” Remus whispered, his own voice wavering. “No, Siri, no - I love you... You did everything just to keep me safe, and I love you for it... so much... no, listen to me -” he slid off the mattress and crawled into Sirius’ lap. He reached up with his good hand to touch his lover’s wet cheek. “My love, my darling, my dearest - I love you more than anything, anyone in this world! I love it when you touch me, I love it when you kiss me... I love being in your arms and having you inside me... It makes me feel so good to wake up and see you sleeping beside me... If it weren’t for you, I - I’d still be the same lonely, frightened boy I was before we met. You’ve changed me, for the better. I’d rather die than take back the time we’ve spent together. And if you died...” - he looked up into Sirius’ miserable eyes and could feel his heart breaking at the thought - “If you died... I swear, I’d kill myself... I couldn’t... couldn’t live without you... I swear it, I would -” he leaned against Sirius’ chest, sobbing uncontrollably. 

Sirius bowed his head, tears falling onto Remus’ tawny hair. Somehow... somehow, he knew Remus was telling the truth. If he, Sirius, died, Remus wouldn’t hesitate to take his own life. “Remmie... love...”

“I couldn’t do it. You’re being so foolish... I could never want you dead... don’t ever say that.” Remus whispered. “Imagine how it would be... how miserable I would be without you! Siri, never, ever... never leave me...”

“No, my love...” Sirius kissed his forehead. “No... you’re right, I am being foolish... I couldn’t put you through that... my Remmie.... I love you so much. I promise... I’ll never leave your side...” He rested his head on Remus’ shoulder.

There was silence for the moment while the two boys calmed down. Finally, Remus looked up, smiling a little and dabbing at his eyes with his sleeve. “Siri?”

“Yes, love?” 

“Can we...?” Remus’ finger traced the line of Sirius’ jaw.

“Can we what?” Sirius decided to tease.

“You know what I mean....” Remus looked into his lover’s eyes. “Please? I want to... right now.” It was the closest he had ever come to demanding sex, and the shy, timid way he asked made Sirius smile. It was almost as if it was their first time all over again, his lover offering him his virginity for a second time. Their lips met, Sirius slowly laying Remus back on the pillows, holding himself up so as not to jar his mate’s broken arm. 

“I love that,” Remus said softly, as Sirius stopped to pull off his t-shirt. “You’re so gentle. I never have to be afraid you’ll hurt me. Even the first time... I was scared, and it hurt... but... it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as I expected... you were just... just so... sweet.” He gasped as Sirius’ tongue ran down his neck. “When you’re ... i-inside me... it’s like we’re... I don’t know, like we’re one... sharing a body... oh! Siri...”

His lover looked up to smirk at him. “Keep talking.”

“I - mmm... Siri...” Remus closed his eyes as Sirius placed kisses down his chest and on his belly, his warm, wet mouth traveling further down. “How... how am I supposed to concentrate when you’re doing that to me?”

“Right.” Sirius stopped, his hands on the waistband of Remus’ trousers, and sat up. “Okay. Sing my praises.”

“You can’t stop now, you peacock.”

Sirius sniggered. “So impatient.” He kissed Remus again, but it was an odd angle, since he was trying not to touch Remus’ broken arm. “Hm. This is going to be difficult,” he mused, his breath tickling Remus’ ear. “I guess we better be glad it isn’t one of your legs that’s broken.”

“That _would_ complicate things,” Remus sighed, as Sirius resumed teasing him with his tongue. “Mmm... that feels so good...”

“I can make it better,” Sirius murmured. “Much better.” He relieved Remus of his trousers, which had become uncomfortably tight, then pulled off his own t-shirt. He parted Remus’ thighs, licking his lips. Remus moaned impatiently, his body aching with desire, as his lover’s tongue ran the length of his erection. But Sirius wouldn’t rush. He seemed to enjoy teasing, and his kisses and wandering hands were driving Remus mad. 

“Siri... please... want you...” he whined, knowing he sounded a trifle babyish, but not being able to help it. Sirius bit his lip with a soft moan, pulling off his jeans and throwing them carelessly aside. He kept going slow, though, as Remus panted and squirmed under him in a kind of frenzied agony, begging him to hurry up and just do it, he was dying here. Watching his lover as he pleaded, sweat standing on his forehead and desperation in his eyes, was one of the most erotic things Sirius could have possibly imagined. He kissed Remus again, sliding inside him, slipping his tongue between Remus’ lips. Remus kissed back enthusiastically, putting his good arm around Sirius’ waist.

The teasing had gone on too long, and neither of them lasted more than five minutes. Remus cried out, and Sirius lowered his head to kiss Remus’ pale throat. “I love you,” he whispered into his lover’s ear.

“I love you, too.” Remus breathed. “So much.”

\---

A month after Sirius and Remus moved in together, Mrs. Black and Regulus were ready to head back to Germany. They had spent the time putting their affairs in order - selling the townhouse, packing their things, taking care of bills and debts and loose ends with the money that had come from Mr. Black’s insurance. As foul and close-minded as Orion had been, he had been a stringent believer in life insurance, and his wife had received a fairish chunk of change - more than enough to help them get settled in Germany.

A few days after school let out for the summer holidays, Sirius and Remus, along with Remus’ family, headed to King’s Cross station to see Mrs. Black and Regulus off. They would be taking a train out of London and eventually board a ship that would take them to France, and from there, take another train into Berlin. In Berlin, they would meet up with Walburga’s brother Alphard. They would be staying at Alphard’s for a month or so, until they found themselves a new house, or perhaps a small flat. 

Mrs. Black had tears in her eyes as she bid her elder son goodbye. She led him a little way away from everyone else to talk to him. 

“You were always such a good boy, Sirius,” she murmured, reaching up to touch his cheek. “No matter what... you were always such a good boy. You and Regulus were the only things keeping me going, you know. If it hadn’t been for you... I don’t know what would have happened. I might have had the courage to leave your father. If it had been just me... but I couldn’t bear to think of what would happen to you, if I left. For your sakes, I stayed, only so you would never have to face going hungry, or...” she faltered. “And if it hadn’t been for you boys, I think... I think your father would have... well, he might have killed me.” 

Sirius hugged her and kissed her cheek. “Don’t cry, Mum. He can’t hurt you - any of us - anymore. It’s okay.”

She hugged him back. “I’m going to miss you so much,” she whispered. “Promise me you’ll write...”

“Of course I will , Mum. You’ll have to tell us when you get a house, so Remus and I can come and visit.”

His mother smiled up at him. “Okay.”

He handed her a tissue. “Don’t cry anymore, okay?” She nodded, taking the tissue and mopping off her face as Regulus joined them.

“Mum... can I talk to Sirius for a moment?”

“Yes, love,” Mrs. Black kissed Sirius’ cheek and returned to the Lupins. Regulus turned to his older brother. He looked a little embarrassed, and his hands were shoved deep in his pockets. 

“Sirius...”

“What?”

“I just want to say... thanks, I guess.” He peeked up from under his shaggy bangs. “For... well, you know.”

Sirius shook his head. “I don’t deserve the thanks.”

“I don’t care. It’s just...” Regulus looked down at his feet. “I suppose I shouldn’t feel this way, but I’m glad he’s dead,” he said fiercely. “I hated him.”

“So did I,” Sirius said softly. “And I don’t think there’s anyone in the world who would blame us.”

Regulus looked at him for a few moments, and a small smile appeared on his face. “I’m going to miss you.”

“Same here. But it’s not like we’ll never see each other again.”

“Yeah. But...” Regulus shifted uneasily. “We... what happened to us, Sirius? When we were little, we used to be so close... but now...” 

Sirius shrugged. “I don’t know. But we can start over.”

His brother smiled at him. “Yeah. I’d... I’d like that.”

With a grin, Sirius slung an arm around his brother’s shoulders, and they went to rejoin the others. Mrs. Black smiled as they approached, though her eyes still looked a little teary. 

“Ready, Regulus? It’s time we got on.”

“Yeah.” Regulus shook hands with all the Lupins, saying, “Nice to meet you all,” then helped the porter load suitcases and trunks into their compartment. Mrs. Black said goodbye all around, reaching Sirius last. She hugged him, sniffling.

“Goodbye, love.”

“Goodbye, Mum. Have fun.”

His mother finally let him go, smiling tearfully, as the whistle blew for last calling. Regulus extended a hand to help his mother onto the train, and the pair leaned out the windows and waved as the train pulled away. Sirius and the Lupins waved until the train was just a tiny speck in the distance. Remus looked up to see tears in the corners of Sirius’ eyes. He took his lover’s hand and squeezed it. “Okay, darling?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said, blinking rapidly. “Yeah, I’m all right. I’m going to miss them.” They turned to follow Remus’ family out of the station. “I think I told you once I hated them. It wasn’t entirely true.” He stuck a cigarette in his mouth and fumbled for his lighter. “It was mostly Da. I hated him, and I was afraid of him. I hated Mum for never having the courage to get away from him, and I hated Regulus for never sticking up for her or me.” He took a deep drag on the cigarette. “But now I understand that they were only trying to do what they thought best.”

Remus smiled. “I know.”

“You wouldn’t be opposed to going to Germany sometime, would you?” Sirius inquired, looking back over his shoulder in the direction the train had gone.

“No, Siri. Not at all.”


	12. Aftermath

**Disclaimer:** For the disclaimer, warnings, etc., please see the first chapter.

~Black~

\---

Chapter 12 - Aftermath

\---

Twenty years after the death of Orion Black, the sun rose and illuminated the front of a small house in London, managing to penetrate the thick cloth of the cream-colored curtains, and beamed right into the face of Remus J. Lupin. Well, Professor Lupin-Black, now.

The brunette opened his eyes, unwilling to get up. A glance at the clock told him it was only six-thirty. Remus never got up before seven if he could help it, and Sirius could stay in bed until nine-thirty, if left to his own devices. But now that he was awake, there was no possible way Remus could get back to sleep. Instead, he lay still and gazed at his lover.

At the age of thirty-six, Sirius was more beautiful than ever. His silky hair was halfway down his back, with not one single strand of white or grey anywhere to be seen. He didn’t bother much with makeup anymore (a light application of eyeshadow and mascara when dressing up was it), and had given up smoking at Remus’ urging. He was still very thin, but his body was sleek and muscular, reminding Remus of some exotic wildcat. One arm, with a tattoo of strange Celtic symbols winding around it like an arm bracelet, was draped across Remus’ hips. The sunlight glimmered on a gold band on his third finger.

Remus wasn’t so bad-looking himself, either, though he never believed it when told so. (He had a number of fans among his female students, though he wasn’t aware of it.) He had a few streaks of premature silver in his golden-brown hair, but they were the only evidence that he was getting any older. He also had an arm that twinged painfully every time it rained; he tried not to think about that, though. Smiling slightly, he brushed a strand of hair out of Sirius’ eyes with a hand that also bore a gold ring. 

After living like a married couple for so long - paying the bills, sharing a car, fighting over what color to paint the kitchen, and making love every night - the pair had decided it was high time they got married. Well, they couldn’t _actually_ get married, but they had exchanged rings, and Remus had had his last name legally changed to Lupin-Black. It had confused his students to no end, but they’d get used to it in time (they _were_ , after all, college students). It was taking Remus time to get used to himself - even after a week, it sounded strange to say. 

Sirius and Remus shared everything - including the secret of what Sirius had done twenty years ago. For all this time, they had kept it secret, not even discussing it with each other. It had been so long that most people had even forgotten the police had suspected the two men at some point; but every once in awhile, mysterious notes would show up from some crackpot or another. Sirius cheerfully burned all these with his cigarette lighter, saying it might as well serve _some_ purpose. But hiding a secret of that magnitude was stressful on the nerves every now and then (Lord knew they both had had more than their share of horrible nightmares; and there had been many incidents where Sirius broke down completely, calling himself a murderer, sobbing that he wanted to die, that he couldn’t live with it anymore). Sirius probably had it the worst; he had endured years and years of abuse before finally being freed, and Remus never had any desire to know what went on in his lover’s head at night.

Sirius stirred beside him, opening one eye. A slow, satisfied smile spread across his face - he looked rather like a cat who’s gotten into the cream. The hand resting on Remus’ hip wandered down his thigh. “Morning, beautiful.”

“Morning, love.” Remus kissed him. “Sleep well?”

Sirius chuckled. “You know I did. I always do after sex like that.”

By now, Remus was well used to Sirius’ blunt, half-teasing manner, but he never failed to be embarrassed by it. He felt his cheeks heating up - though that might have been because of Sirius moving closer, his slender body inviting and exciting at the same time. “You never give up, do you?”

“Never,” Sirius said, rolling over so Remus was pinned under him. He shook his long hair back, the satisfied cat smile still lingering on his lips. “What time’s your first class?”

“Nine,” Remus breathed, putting his arms around Sirius’ neck. “I think we have plenty of time... for...” His hazel eyes glimmered with mischief. “...naughty things.”

“Mmm.” Sirius burrowed his head against Remus’ neck. “Just what I want to hear, Mrs. Black.”

“ _Sirius_!” Remus couldn’t help but laugh. “Stupid idiot.”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

“I’d be honored,” Remus sniggered, as their lips met in a light, teasing kiss. The kiss turned sloppier and more passionate, and neither man could have been happier. They loved each other, and for now, that was all that mattered, no matter what punishments they faced in the afterlife for never telling the truth about the murders. They’d just have to face that when the time came. Until then, they could enjoy themselves.

-Fini-


End file.
